Love me challenge, day 7

Day 7. One thing thats just for you.

Writing. I love to write. It allows me to express my inner most thoughts. Its a release and I enjoy doing it. It is the one thing I do before I go to sleep each night.

Sunday Random Q and A

1. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
I’m not sure. I guess sometimes I would. If I had a choice I’d like to be a writer, and I still might be one some day.
2. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Not usually. I dont have phone anxiety thankfully. I like talking on the phone. I’m good at it too lol.
3. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
A day where everything in my life went right, where I got to see the people who are important to me, where the sun shone bright and no clouds were in the sky
4. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I sing to myself all the time. I love singing. Cant really rmemember when I last sang to someone else.
5. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
The mind. I dont care about looks but to lose your mind due to old age or dementia or another affliction would be terrible. I’d rather be dead than do that.
6. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Sadly I think it will be either by suicide, or illness, since I’ve attempted suicide on numerous occasions its still a part of my life at times, I dont think it ever goes away.
7. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

For my guide dog, my health, my family, my therapist and psychiatrist

8. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I’d love it if I could make my dad not drink alcohol to excess, and if I was able to stop his anger outbursts, I would not want my mental illnesses, or abuse history.

9. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

I’d like the ability to cook for myself, and I’d also like the ability to drive.

10. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

How I was going to die, if I’d ever recover, if my sister was going to have any more kids

11. What does friendship mean to you?

to me friendship is where you treat someone with respect, love them, accept them for who they are and where they’re at, treat them with integrity and honesty

12. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I have a partner whom I love dearly. I’m a very affectionate person, I freely give and recieve hugs and kisses to family and friends

13. When did you last laugh?

Last night while I was on skype with my friend Sarah

14. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

I’m definitely a night owl 😛 my sleep patterns are weird!

15. Seen anything weird lately?

No. Unfortunately my life is boring lol.

Nitros vet visit

So last Saturday morning I took Nitro to the vets. Usually he is good at the vets, although he doesnt particularly like having things done, being poked at by the vet etc. I initially took him in because I thought he had ear mites and also he needed his anal glands expressed. The vet is lovely and first she weighed him. He’s a little overweight so needs to lose a few kilos. He’s already lost 2 kilos and when I weighed him on Saturday he was down another 300 grams. He needs to lose about 5 more pounds, but he’s steadily losing the weight so I’m happy with his progress. After I told the vet about why I brought him in, she checked him over. She said she’d do an ear swab to check for mites. But when she put it under the microscope she said he didnt have any. She said his ears looked very red and inflamed and so she thought he had allergies and an ear infection too. So she gave him a steroid injection and an antibiotic in injectible form too and then she gave me a weeks worth of antibiotics for him and also some ear drops for a week. She also looked in his mouth and said he has a lot of tartar on his teeth, he’s pretty young to have gum disease and stuff going on but she told me to buy a solution to put in his water, that should hopefully get rid of the tartar, and if not, he’ll have to go on special food. The total bill was 150 euro, I was shocked at that. The drugs at 90 euro were the most expensive part of it. But I was so proud of Nitro he was such a good boy and didnt even flinch when he had his ears cleaned, he actually seemed to enjoy it, like it was a relief to him or something. I’ve to bring him back for a check up next month but I usually go once a month anyway to buy his food, flea treatment, etc so that suits me fine to do that. Since he started the drugs he’s doing a lot better and he isnt shaking hardly at all which is a good sign.

Life goes on

So this morning I’ll be very busy. My PA is coming in a half hour. As usual I have a lot of housework for her to do. But I also need to take Nitro to the vet, and do some grocery shopping…so the time will fly by I am sure. Nitro has ear mites, again, plus he needs to have his anal glands expressed. On thursday of this week his trainer Nathalie came to visit and we did some familiarisation around the college where I’ll be starting in September. We were shown all the classrooms I’ll use, the lunch area, toilets etc and then Nathalie did some training with us which went really well. Its a pretty small college and so it didnt take long at all to do the training. Nitro was his usual awesome self and I was so very proud of him. After the training was finished, we went back to the guide dog centre to have a coffee. Nathalie had said that we’d get one of the kennel staff to look at Nitros ears because he’d been shaking a lot. So that is what we did. Laura from kennels took him, cleaned out his ears, and then brought him back to me. When she came back she said it looked like his anal glands were full. I didnt even know that! So that afternoon I made an appointment for him to see the vet. I have him on a diet too and he’s losing weight on it so I am glad. He went from 38.7 KG to 37.3 KG is two weeks. And this week after the second two weeks he’s down another kilo. I just reduced his food intake and didnt give him so much treats. And it seems to be working. I dont really have any other weekend plans. Tomorrow my mom and aunts are going to my grandads home town to bury the remainder of his ashes. My sisters driving them, and I could have went. But I chose not to do that. I dont really know my grandads family and I feel like I’d like to grieve in my own way. I can still say a prayer tomorrow when I know they’ll be burying the ashes. I’d rather say goodbye in my own way. Its been almost 3 months since he passed away. On 26th July it will be 3 months. How time flies. The grief is still pretty raw. I still miss him a lot.

Tattoos anyone?

Do you have any tattoos? Do you like them? Would you like one if you dont have any? If you do have some what do you have?
I’ve always wanted to get a butterfly. Ever since our teen years I’ve wanted that. Either a butterfly or a dolphine, those were my choices. I think though a butterfly represents more of me. And what I stand for and am about.
I think it would be so painful though so that is why I’ve not gone and done it yet. Plus I dont really like the idea of skin sagging when I get old. And what if I go and then half way through I cant take the pain and its too late to stop? So many questions.
Tell me about your tattoos, do you have any that represent your illness, or healing from it?