Yesterday I stayed home all day. I didnt get up to very much. I kinda just had a lazy day. My home help came and helped me cook. Other than that I didnt see anyone but I did facetime with my friend Sarah. Twice. That was fun. I read some of my book the girl in the mirror by Cathy Glass. I’m on chapter 9 now. I like it but I prefer her foster care memoirs to her novels. They’re more gripping and they are page turners, where as her novels arent. But I will read it anyway, still though cant wait for her new book girl alone to come out in september. Mom came over this morning to help me sort out all of my clothes. We recycled some stuff that I dont use or ware and we sorted the rest of them so that I know whats what for school and what clothes I have that fit me. I found two brand new pairs of jeans that I bought months ago but never wore because they were too tight. Now they fit me perfectly. Am so happy about that. It saves me some money because I was gonna buy some new jeans on Friday. Mom also cut my grass in the back yard and front of the house. She also made me breakfast which was nice since usually I make my own. I got my water bill and I had to speak to someone about it and was trying to get through to their customer services department for ages but couldnt. Eventually I realised there was a problem with my phone and I thought I’d been cut off. But I wasnt cut off, the problem was with the phone company. Its all fixed again now and I finally did get through and speak to someone and the problem with my bill is sorted. I had my dr Barry apt this afternoon. That went really well. I told her about my weight loss and she was delighted for me. We talked about starting school, and before I left she wished me luck for starting on Monday. We talked about a couple other things too. Mostly about the plan Mark and I made, therapy, system stuff etc. It was a great apt and I left feeling great. Came home then, ate my dinner, fed Nitro, and am now chilling out playing on facebook, doing email, watching tv, etc. Its really been a good couple of days. My mood is good. I feel fantastic. I’m happy and positive. I like this feeling.
I’m so very happy. This morning I’ve gotten some real good news about school. Remember the other day I wrote about the transportation crisis? And how the school said they werent sure if they’d be able to pay for my funing, well part of it? They were meant to pay 100 euro and I’d pay 50 euro per weeek. Well, today the manager phoned me. He said he’d spoken to the department and he’d secured the funding. So its all worked out. I’m so delighted. Thats one less things to be worried about now. And it means I can start and my start date is the 7th of September. And it means I’ll be going and learning, getting up every day to do something, instead of staying home and doing nothing. I am thrilled. Life is good. I’m so excited to start. This morning mom took me to do some route familiarisation around the college. That went really well. Mom is great at giving me directions and instructions and showing me what I need to do. The instructor was there too, she showed us the different rooms we’ll be using. She said though that I wasnt to worry as there would always be someone around, so if I get lost or cant find something to ask and someone will show me. I’m very happy. Thanks for all your good vibes prayers and good thoughts. They all really helped. > carol anne
Day four: a person who loves you?
My mom. Despite everyting, she does love me. She shows it in many ways. Like for instance, when she helps me around my house, or gives me advice to make me feel better, or takes my side when my dad is arguing with me, or when she helps me with things like clothes shopping. My mom is not very affectionate, but occasionally she will hug me or kiss me just not very often. Its nice when it happens though. I know in her heart she loves me and would do anything, walk to the end of the earth for me.
dr barry, can you hear me? will you listen?
eileen, you too.
i need a mommy. i know you think i have one. but i dont. she is the bodys mom yes, but not mine.
she doesnt want to knoe or see me. it makes me sad. i need a mom.
can you be my mom? both of you? then I’d have two mommys? Please?
my heart gets happy when i talk to you. because you care. your special. i love both of you.
eileen because you listen to me even when i’m angry, or scared, or pissed off. Dr Barry because you give me good advice, your kind, even though your a doctor you dont act like one.
i need a mom and i’m picking both of you to be that special person for me.
will you take care of me? will you wipe my tears when i cry? will you soothe me when i’m sad, and get mad with me when i get mad? will you hear what it is i have to say?
i just need a forever mom. i know you cant adopt me so i can live with you, but can i be adopted in your hearts? please?
love, alicia 9
so my tuesday was really productive and busy. i didnt think it would be but i was pleasantly surprised.
first my PA came at 9 AM. she usually comes on saturday, but last saturday i was in dublin so she didnt come. instead we changed our day to today. so she came and i had plenty for her to do. she did the ironing, vacuming, mopped the floors, changed my bed, and other housework that i needed to get done. that took about an hour. then we went to the store because i needed batteries and milk and some things for nitro. while at the store i got a smoothie, instead of a coffee. we came back to my house then and we sat chatting for a while, drinking our smoothies, and it was nice to just do that. i let her go half an hour early because there wasnt anything else left for her to do. she’ll come again this saturday as usual though and i’m sure i’ll have plenty for her to do.
after she left i called my friend, then my home help aid came and she helped me make some food. i made a chicken curry. i find now that i’m being more health conscious its easier if i organise my meals and then i dont binge on foods that i shouldnt, or eat the wrong types of foods. so i made a curry, putting lots of veggies in it and i made rice to go with that. it was yummy. i have some leftovers for tomorrow because i have to go see dr barry and i dont have home help coming and no time to cook food because i wont be home till after six in the evening so its good that ihave some leftovers.
after my home help went i decided to go to mom and dads for a couple of hours. at first my plan was to stay home and relax but then i decided i’d be bored and i’d prefer to do something and visiting my parents seemed like fun. so i rang mom and i told her i’d be coming and she said she had to go out to the store with my sister and that they’d pick me up on their way home. so they did, and i left nitro at home because i knew i wouldnt be gone for a long time. i stayed at mom and dads about an hour and a half and then i got a taxi home. my sister didnt even come in to mom and dads, she just picked me up and dropped us to moms, picking her kids up from summer camp on the way.
this evening was a chilled out evening-I just did email, watched tv, drank coffee, too much of it lol. I didnt do any exercise like i promised myself i would. oh well. tomorrows another day. i really need to get motivated though to do more exercise and be better about it. i weighed myself today on my own scales because i was curious and couldnt resist and it said i’d lost 3 pounds. whether i have or havent i dont know and i’ll wait until friday to see my weight on karens scales as its probably different to mine. i really just checked it for the fun of it just to see how i was doing. i feel good though knowing i might have lost at least 3 more pounds!