Do you have any tattoos? Do you like them? Would you like one if you dont have any? If you do have some what do you have?
I’ve always wanted to get a butterfly. Ever since our teen years I’ve wanted that. Either a butterfly or a dolphine, those were my choices. I think though a butterfly represents more of me. And what I stand for and am about.
I think it would be so painful though so that is why I’ve not gone and done it yet. Plus I dont really like the idea of skin sagging when I get old. And what if I go and then half way through I cant take the pain and its too late to stop? So many questions.
Tell me about your tattoos, do you have any that represent your illness, or healing from it?
So we started a new creative writing group yesterday at the basemtn club. The first thing we did after a little bit of meditating, was we did stream of consciousness writing, and here is what I wrote about. We only wrote for five minutes. I did enjoy doing this and it has helped me immensely.
I have to say that dealing with psychotic symptoms is probably one of the most debilitating things I have had to deal with. last night the voices came back full force. loud, very loud. i tried to stop them, by doing the things they wanted by asking them to shut up, but nothing worked. Everything felt like it was closing in around me. I fought and fought hard but nothing I did seemed to work. I’ve been awake all night, battling the voices. Todays been a little bit better. But I still feel the after effects. The voices seem to have faded today. But somehow I doubt they’ll be like that for long. I thought the meds that I take for the psychosis would stop the being out of touch with reality. I am not sure they’re actually working. Who knows if they are. Voices are so scary. What they say scares me a lot. Especially when they are trying to tell me to kill myself, or saying harsh or critical things about me. It hurts. I hurt and nothing I do or say helps. I suppose I need to explore the voices a little bit more in therapy. I’m sort of afraid to bring them up sometimes. Not because I think my therapist cant handle them. Just because I feel stupid, or like I cant say the things out loud that they say to me. I think though that if we explored it a little bit more then maybe they’d calm down. I am not sure its just a thought but I think its definitely worth giving more time to it. I am probably going to talk to Eileen some more about it when she gets back from her vacation next week.
Yesterday I started a creative writing class. As one of the exercises we were given a story to write, using 3 words, a person, place, and a feeling. My words were
a cup of coffee
Here is what I came up with as a story using these words…
the coffee shop had just opened. Sarah sat by herself. Her thoughts were all over the place. she felt an intense sadness. However she could not relate the sadness she felt to any one thing. She decided to buy herself a cup of coffee. As she walked up to the cash register, she saw another woman looking at her. The woman smiled at her. Sarah kept her eyes down. She didnt want the woman to see how unhappy she felt inside. As she passed the woman reached out her hand, touched sarahs arm and said hi. Sarah began to cry but hid her tears and quickly ran to the cashier and payed for her cup of coffee. Sitting alone at a table she began to drink it. Her thoughts turned to the recent death she’d had in her family. Her beloved aunt had died recently. She’d been so close to her aunt. They’d sat for hours, talking, watching movies, and just being with each other, they didnt have to speak how they felt, they both had an uncanny way of reading each others feelings. Oh how she missed her aunt. As she sipped the last of her coffee, she decided that she was going to do one kind thing for another person, as her aunt always liked to do kind deeds for others. So sarah decided that today was going to be her day. She would try to be kind to someone, in the hopes that doing a good turn for someone else would bring her happiness, and closeness to her aunt.
We only had five minutes to write this story. Now I challenge you my readers. Write a short piece of about 200 or 300 words using these words
A little girl
Go on, Go for it!
Do you love to dance, sing, write, sculpt, paint, or debate? What’s your favorite way to express yourself, creatively?
This prompt was interesting to me so I thought I’d give it a go.
As a system we do a lot of things to express ourselves. Each of us does different things. We each have different ways of expressing emotions, and other things.
For me Carol anne, I like to write. Writing allows me to release my emotions and purge it all onto paper. I enjoy the feeling that writing gives me.
I also like to sing. I even got an ap for my phone called sing, a karaoke ap. I’m addicted. I posted one song I sang earlier this afternoon to the blog. I did go to stage school in my younger years where we did a lot of singing.
I also like to do art. I like to draw with pastels. Even though I cant see I find it really theraputic. I used to go to art therapy but at the moment I am not in art therapy.