THIS IS LIZ. I WROTE HERE LAST WEEK REMEMBER? I AM AN ALTER IN OUR DID SYSTEM. I STRUGGLE WITH SELF HARM, SO I THOUGHT I’D WRITE A LITTLE MORE ON THAT. I GOT THESE QUESTIONS FROM A WORKSHEET AND SO I THOUGHT I’D ANSWER THEM ON HERE. SO HERE GOES.
1. Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
I FEEL I DESERVE IT, I FEEL WORTHLESS AND LIKE I HAVE TO CUT TO PROVE I AM REAL, TO PROVE THAT I AM ACTUALLY A PERSON WHO HAS EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS.
2. What has brought me to this point?
STRESS, FLASHBACKS, HEARING VOICES, GRIEF
3. Have I been here before?
YES LOTS OF TIMES
4. What did I do to deal with it?
TRIED TO USE MY COPING SKILLS, JOURNALED, PETTED MY DOG, CUT WHEN I COULDNT RESIST, WENT TO THE HOSPITAL, CALLED MY FRIENDS OR THERAPIST
5. How did I feel then?
TRAPPED, STRESSED, OUT OF CONTROL, UNHAPPY, EMPTY, EMOTIONAL, NUMB, ANGRY
6. What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
BLOGGED, CALLED A FRIEND, EMAILED MY THERAPIST, ATE SOME FOOD, TOOK A BATH, DRANK A COLD DRINK, LISTENED TO A BOOK, TRIED TO RELAX WITH MUSIC AND DEEP BREATHING
7. What else can I do that won’t hurt me?
DO EMAIL, TAKE SOME MEDS, LISTEN TO A PODCAST, WRITE A POEM, MAKE A YOUTUBE VIDEO, TRY TO SLEEP…
8. How do I feel right now?
RIGHT NOW? HMMMM, ANXIOUS, TIRED, STRESSED, FRUSTRATED
How will I feel when I am hurting myself? (If you decide to answer this question please put it in a hide box as content maybe triggering)
I WILL FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. I WILL FEEL IN CONTROL. I WILL FEEL NOTICED, AND LIKE I AM A SOMEBODY
10. How will I feel after hurting myself?
LIKE SHIT PROBABLY
11. How will I feel tomorrow morning?
BETTER THAN I DID TODAY I HOPE. LESS ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED. MORE IN CONTROL I HOPE.
12. Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I CANT AVOID GRIEF STRESS ANGER…THEY ARE ALL PART OF LIFE, SO THE ANSWER IS SIMPLY NO. JUST GOT TO TRY MY BEST TO DEAL WITH WHAT LIFE THROWS AT ME.
13. Do I need to hurt myself?
IM NOT SURE. PART OF ME WANTS TO SAY YES. PART OF ME DOESNT. SO FOR NOW I CHOOSE NOT TO HURT MYSELF. I CHOOSE TO DISTRACT AND USE MY COPING SKILLS INSTEAD. I WONT SAY NEVER THOUGH, AS MY FEELINGS CHANGE FROM HOUR TO HOUR ON WHAT I WANT TO DO OR WHETHER I SHOULD DO IT OR NOT.
WELL THIS WAS A GOOD EXERCISE AND I AM GLAD I DECIDED TO TRY IT OUT.