poem

Locked in silence
With memories so violent
My mind is buzzing
My head feels fuzzy
Into a dissociative trans
Off I start to dance
Panick and worry
My thoughts are in a flurry
So hard to think
I feel like I’m on the brink

Sinking

slipping
sliding
sinking, sinking
lower and lower
till it feels like I am being swallowed
swallowed up in depressions grip
afraid to reach out
in hopes of a better tomorrow
in hopes of a future
when will the pain disappear?
it tears me apart
from the inside out
but each day I try
and try…
to beat the blackness
and mostly I succeed…

Blackness

spiraling
going down down
emotions whirling
a cloud of blackness
a sinking feeling
that turns to numbness, nothingness
depression claws
at my being
engulfs me
i try to put on a mask
but everyone can see
people stare
its not their reality
they go on with life
oblivious to the blackness that surrounds me
and i try to carry on
act happy
while my world crumbles

Stressed, short poem coming

So my beloved partner is going through a really rough time right now. I am very stressed out and worried about her. Thought I’d write here to let it out.

Each day I miss you
Each hour and minute
Our long conversations
Our text messages
Long emails
That say everything and nothing
But we didnt care what they said
We were just happy to hear from one another
And now I can hardly talk to you
10 or 15 minutes max
And I want to help you but I cant
Oh how I wish I could do something
Anything to take this tough time away
If I could I would move mountains for you
I would gladly switch places
But I know thats not what you’d want for me
Be strong, be brave
This too shall pass
And soon we will be back to normal
Our normal
Our normal that is sometimes crazy
But I always loved the crazy bits
Its what made us unique

Carol anne

the therapy relationship, from bad, to good

i was vulnerable
i needed help
you were there
i trusted you
and our relationship grew
from strength to strength i thought
but really it did not
you led me to believe
you were the only person who could help me
you were there to pick up the pieces
when i’d fall
when i broke
when i crumbled
when i couldnt go on
but it was wrong
unhealthy and bad
it went on and on
and on for years
too many to count
i believed you were my saviour
the only one who would treat someone like me
who was so broken
so unfixable and unmendable
but that wasnt true
eventually one of us found the courage to leave
to seek help from someone else
someone who is far more devoted than you ever were
who has a strong sense of right and wrong
of good and healthy boundaries
of caring, compassion and commitment
that person, our therapist has helped us more in thhe past 3 years
than you ever did
and for that
for her
i am truly grateful
goodbye to you j
the old therapist
because we have let you go from our life
we’ve become stronger
more emotionally stable
and we are able to cope with our life
goodbye, J