feeling so alone. triggered. emotional. my head is spinning, literally. Want to cry but cant. Hate this so much. Just feel so much emotion, ug.
hi its me allie. i’m bummed. we didnt go to therapy today. that makes me sad. carol anne was feeling tired, and miserable so she decided to not go. if i made the decisions around here, i would have went. now we dont get to see eileen for 10 whole days. i just texted her a few minutes ago to tell her that i miss her and it feels like a long time, the 10 days. it feels like forever! she hasnt replied yet, but i know she will when she can. i dont like it when the bigs decide stuff sometimes. we werent sick today as in vomiting, or like real sick you know so we couldnt move, so i think we should have gone. i think the tiredness would have gone away if we just made ourselves go. oh well. its too late now i guess. im just mad and kinda sad that we never had our therapy session today.
allie age 9
I FEEL ANXIOUS. THERAPY IS IN AN HOUR. DONT REALLY WANNA GO. DONT WANT TO TRY TO FIND MY WORDS. THEY GOT LOST AND ITS SO HARD TO FIND THEM TO SAY THE THINGS ON MY MIND. I HATE THAT FEELING OF ANXIETY WELLING UP INSIDE IN MY CHEST AND THROAT AND BELLY. MY THROAT FEELS LIKE IT MAY CLOSE UP. MY CHEST IS TIGHT AND MY STOMACH IS DOING FLIP FLOPS. ITS NUTS AND I AM BOTH STRESSED, ANXIOUS AND IRRITATED AT MYSELF FOR FEELING THIS WAY. EILEEN WILL BE HER USUAL AWESOME SELF I KNOW THAT. SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS? WE HAD A NICE EMAIL EXCHANGE OVER THE WEEKEND. I TOLD HER AS MUCH AS I COULD IN AN EMAIL. I TOLD HER I WAS FEELING TRIGGERED AND DID NOT HAVE WORDS TO PUT TO IT. SHE UNDERSTOOD. I HATE MONDAYS TOO SO EVERYTHING JUST FEELS BLA THIS MORNING.
its me alicia. if you dont know i am 9. i feel so crummy tonight. my head hurts. my heart hurts. everywhere just hurts. and i dont have anyone to talk to about it. eileen is on holidays. i cant text dr barry. i dont think i should bother our friends. i feel so lonely and alone. why did eileen have to go on vacation? its not fair! i feel like she left us and just went and i feel like she’ll never come back. she did say she’d be back. she doesnt lie well she hasnt ever lied to me. its so hard waiting. she told me to text her a few days before our therapy session, to remind her to charge up her digital recorder so she can read us the story she promised to read to us. i am so looking forward to her reading to us. that will be fun. and special. is it ok for me to feel special? loved? cared for? because that is how i will feel when she reads to us. like someone loves and cares about me. its hard being a kid. feelings suck. when you dont really understand grown up things, when you want things and cant have them, when your hurting and there is nobody to tell, it all just sucks.
alicia age 9
Called my school up today. Spoke to the instructor who heads up the IT course. Got my start date, its September 7th. So happy with that cuz now I can start preparing!
Asked the instructor to send me out my letter of approval so I can photocopy it and send a copy to the organisation that are giving me a small college grant of 500 euros. The sooner I get it in, the sooner I get the money! Also asked her if she’d gotten my medical form back, I sent it in a few days ago. She has gotten it and she said its filled out correctly. She said I will need to come in on August 31 to do some paper work. I’m also going to go in one day before then and do some more route familiarisation around the college! My mom is gonna do that with me.
Cant wait to start. Have been so looking forward to this all year. Now its finally here and I’m excited.