We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.
Max de Pree
I am beyond stressed. Just came out of a meeting with the manager of the college I am in and the rehabilitation officer. I was not expecting this today. I did get to raise all of the issues I am having though which is good I guess. It was a pretty positive meeting overall. I told him that I was not happy that I wasn’t able to access all of my notes, and I also told him that maybe I should get a reader. At first he said maybe we could record the classes, but then he decided that wouldn’t be a great option because of data protection and copyright and other issues of possibly the student in the class not wanting to be recorded as there is a lot of class discussion. So then I said would he get me a laptop. He eventually said yes he could but then he tried to tell me it would take 3 months. He gave me the option of exiting the course and coming back in 3 months when all issues have been resolved. I quickly said no that I didn’t want to do that. I would prefer to just continue with how things are now. So then he said he could probably get me a second hand laptop. He’s also going to talk to the training standards officer about the exams and assessment process and see if we can get alternative questions set for the ones I am unable to do, and see if I can have a reader. Usually they aren’t allowed to see the exam papers or assessment instructions before they take place but he said he’d make a case for me and hopefully they’ll agree and let them have them. I told him that everything else was going fine, and he said I was doing a good job on advocating for myself. I did mention my level of frustration which is why he gave me the option of exiting for a few months until everything is sorted out. I guess it will show when I do my first exam in two weeks. We’ll see then how well I am coping I guess. Until then, I’ll just work with what I have and how things are. Its all I can do.
This song really speaks to me. It is a song about loss, losing someone you love and coming to terms with that. I hope it touches you as much as it touches me.
So recently I decided not to post here about certain things, mainly my therapy process and my psychiatrist appointments. Well, some people contacted me saying that they really enjoyed these posts and wondered if I’d change my mind on that. So…I thought long and hard about what I should do. And I decided in the end that maybe I’d just keep doing what I was doing, and updating about these topics. After all, my blog is about mental illness, and living with that and healing from it. My Dr Barry appointments and therapy appointments are part of that. If people relate to them and like hearing about them I guess I’ll keep writing about them.
Therapy this week was intense. I did not have much time in the session as someone else inside needed the time so I let them have it. For now that particular insider doesnt want to say her name. She feels uncomfortable with people knowing she is so fragile and I need to respect that. When she’s ready I’m sure she will let us know. She’s not a child part though, she’s an adult. Basically the gist of the session was talking about big feelings, and trying to sit with those feelings. Eileen likened it to a bycycle, she told this insider that a wheel of a bike has a hub, which is the inner part, and a rim which is the outter part. She told her to sit in the hub, and watch things from there, to not go to the outter rim just yet. Then she had the insider describe how she felt from that vantage point. I think that was helpful. We had asked her if we could record the session too but she wasnt sure, saying she didnt know how she felt about that. So we didnt record it. When the insider was done I came out and talked a little to eileen about college, and about advocating for myself and for what I need. I used the word fight a lot, saying how I felt like I had to fight for every little thing. Eileen asked me if there was another word I could use, because fighting makes it sound like I’m in constant conflict. So in the end I used the word advocate. The session went by way too quickly. But eileen said we’d done great work and she felt a lot had been covered.