I am beyond stressed. Just came out of a meeting with the manager of the college I am in and the rehabilitation officer. I was not expecting this today. I did get to raise all of the issues I am having though which is good I guess. It was a pretty positive meeting overall. I told him that I was not happy that I wasn’t able to access all of my notes, and I also told him that maybe I should get a reader. At first he said maybe we could record the classes, but then he decided that wouldn’t be a great option because of data protection and copyright and other issues of possibly the student in the class not wanting to be recorded as there is a lot of class discussion. So then I said would he get me a laptop. He eventually said yes he could but then he tried to tell me it would take 3 months. He gave me the option of exiting the course and coming back in 3 months when all issues have been resolved. I quickly said no that I didn’t want to do that. I would prefer to just continue with how things are now. So then he said he could probably get me a second hand laptop. He’s also going to talk to the training standards officer about the exams and assessment process and see if we can get alternative questions set for the ones I am unable to do, and see if I can have a reader. Usually they aren’t allowed to see the exam papers or assessment instructions before they take place but he said he’d make a case for me and hopefully they’ll agree and let them have them. I told him that everything else was going fine, and he said I was doing a good job on advocating for myself. I did mention my level of frustration which is why he gave me the option of exiting for a few months until everything is sorted out. I guess it will show when I do my first exam in two weeks. We’ll see then how well I am coping I guess. Until then, I’ll just work with what I have and how things are. Its all I can do.
This song really speaks to me. It is a song about loss, losing someone you love and coming to terms with that. I hope it touches you as much as it touches me.
At the end of our hour long appointment today we had a little bit of light chatter with Dr Barry. It went like this.
Me: When will you be going on holidays?
Dr Barry: The last week in october.
Me: Oh, and are you going anywhere nice?
Dr Barry: No, I’m just having some down time at home. Sometimes thats all you need isnt it? Some time to just chill out and do absolutely nothing.
Me: Sure, agree 100 percent!
We all need down time, dr Barry just reminded me to have mine!
I’ve been going around feeling quite dissociated today. Not sure why that is but its very concerning. My head is fuzzy. My mind is racing. One minute I am thinking about something intensely, the next my mind is a blurr. I’m finding that my concentration isn’t there and its become increasingly hard to try to stay present. I really hate this. Life feels so unbearable right now. I hate the fogginess of my mind, the intensity of my emotions. I just want to go home and not do any college work. I just want to relax and try to calm down. It feels so overwhelming. I have about another four hours before the day is over, and even then, it isn’t really over because I have to go see Dr Barry. Sigh.
Well I’m still loving college. Granted things arent fully started yet, its all still the induction process, so pretty boring stuff. We havent done any course work yet. Basically all we’ve done is have a couple presentations on what the programme will look like, on the rules and regulations, and signed some documents, about our rights as students and our responsibilities and also we had to sign the internet usage policy. We also talked about misconduct, and the things that are considered misconduct and the consequences of that. We had a talk from the rehabilitation officer, the resource teacher, and the manager of the college. We have to do health and safety and manual handling which is also part of the health and safety process. The manual handling will be done tomorrow. The instructors told us today their giving us Friday off so I was delighted to hear that. Early mornings are so hard. I’m still getting used to getting up early and it hasnt fully hit me yet but I did notice I do get very tired in the evenings. I stayed behind today after class to talk to the instructor about accessibility stuff and all that hasnt been fully ironed out yet. We mostly talked about the exams and getting them in an accessible format. We talked about me possibly getting a reader to read the text in my typing timed exams, an actual reader as in a person who can do that. We also talked about me possibly having alternative questions set if there were ones I couldnt answer due to their being images etc that my screen reader wont read. I’m not worried because I know these things will be ironed out over time. As I said to the instructor today there is always a way around something, sometimes you just have to look hard to find it. I found out that when it comes to work experience we have to find our own, I was under the impression that the school would find it for us. they do help you to get your resume ready, apply for jobs, do interviews etc but they do expect that you will be instramental in finding your own placement. Again I wont worry for now, it wont be happening for another year yet. The people in my class are really nice. Everyone is friendly and they have all been really helpful to me which I am grateful for. I’m really enjoying it and long may it continue.