I’ve been going around feeling quite dissociated today. Not sure why that is but its very concerning. My head is fuzzy. My mind is racing. One minute I am thinking about something intensely, the next my mind is a blurr. I’m finding that my concentration isn’t there and its become increasingly hard to try to stay present. I really hate this. Life feels so unbearable right now. I hate the fogginess of my mind, the intensity of my emotions. I just want to go home and not do any college work. I just want to relax and try to calm down. It feels so overwhelming. I have about another four hours before the day is over, and even then, it isn’t really over because I have to go see Dr Barry. Sigh.
Taylors recording saying hey to everyoneTaylor made this recording earlier tonight. She wanted to share it here. Enjoy.
I’d like some feedback from my readers. Some of the younger and teen alters wanted to post on our blog…more than they have been doing, as its been a while since any of them did.
Are people interested in hearing from the alters? Some of them were going to post bios, as well as their thoughts on stuff. So it wouldnt just be me doing the posting.
What are your thoughts>?
Some of them are scared to try this in case they’ll be misunderstood or made fun of.
Can people email me with your feedback?
You’ll find my email address on my contact page on this site.
Therapy yesterday was intense. We had a lot to talk about and work on including working on memories from the solstace triggers, but to be honest we never really worked on the memories fully, because Eileen said to do it I had to be solid, grounded, very stable, and secure in myself. She said its all about safe trauma processing and she wasnt going to dive into it and overwhelm us. Thats ok though. I dont want to become overwhelmed. So we worked around the memories, on the feelings associated with them, and on deep breathing. I am not good at being able to breathe deeply, slowly, etc. So eileen had me do some visualisations, and she held my hands and we did some breathing where she counted for four and i breathed in, and then she counted for five as I breathed out. That kinda worked. I was able to breathe then but she did say I only use my upper chest and I dont breathe into my belly. So she placed her hand on my stomach and we tried to have me breathe into it. I wasnt really able to manage it though. We’re going to keep working on it. We did some work with some younger parts, Eileen had me show them our house, by imagining the house, imagining me holding their hand, walking up to the house, going in, and then showing them around. Showing them that its safe now, its 2015, we’re safe, they are safe. Inviting them to live in our house too. They were in awe and were excited to know that its not back then, and they are safe. So many of them are stuck in trauma, and are in a current state of feeling unsafe. It was good that we were able to do this to show them otherwise. By the end of the session I was completely drained. Of course I asked Eileen for a huge hug before I left which she gladly gave me. I did not want to let go of her. As she held me I breathed in her smell, I listened to her heartbeat and it grounded me and I felt able to leave and go home and I wasnt triggered or dissociated or anything.
So we have a special group where alters want to post. its an email list. that means we write to an email address, the subscribers see it, and hopefully post back to us. some of the younger alters were hoping to talk to people that way. they arent comfortable writing on here. because of spelling and stuff.
so we were kinda hoping some of our friends from the blog would subscribe to it.
So if you want to subscribe, please go to our contact page and email us and we can invite you.
just to be clear, we’ll still blog, this is just for the younger alters to post things and talk to friends.