I am beyond stressed. Just came out of a meeting with the manager of the college I am in and the rehabilitation officer. I was not expecting this today. I did get to raise all of the issues I am having though which is good I guess. It was a pretty positive meeting overall. I told him that I was not happy that I wasn’t able to access all of my notes, and I also told him that maybe I should get a reader. At first he said maybe we could record the classes, but then he decided that wouldn’t be a great option because of data protection and copyright and other issues of possibly the student in the class not wanting to be recorded as there is a lot of class discussion. So then I said would he get me a laptop. He eventually said yes he could but then he tried to tell me it would take 3 months. He gave me the option of exiting the course and coming back in 3 months when all issues have been resolved. I quickly said no that I didn’t want to do that. I would prefer to just continue with how things are now. So then he said he could probably get me a second hand laptop. He’s also going to talk to the training standards officer about the exams and assessment process and see if we can get alternative questions set for the ones I am unable to do, and see if I can have a reader. Usually they aren’t allowed to see the exam papers or assessment instructions before they take place but he said he’d make a case for me and hopefully they’ll agree and let them have them. I told him that everything else was going fine, and he said I was doing a good job on advocating for myself. I did mention my level of frustration which is why he gave me the option of exiting for a few months until everything is sorted out. I guess it will show when I do my first exam in two weeks. We’ll see then how well I am coping I guess. Until then, I’ll just work with what I have and how things are. Its all I can do.
I’ve had a very hard day. Very trying and I am so unsettled now. And I am also pissed off, upset, feeling depressed, etc. Its all because there are a ton of problems with my transportation i.e funding for taxi’s. It all started when I decided to ring the taxi company that I use and ask them if I could arrange a set price for going to school, since I knew I’d be paying towards those taxi’s. I made out my weekly income, and I can pay 50 euro towards transport for school, but no more. So I was ringing to ask them to make me a deal and do it for a set fare, since I always use the same company and all the drivers know me. Ok so the girl I spoke to who is the accounts manager, said she’d recived this email from my case manager at Cara Nua, which is the organisation that funds my medical appointments, and also my taxi’s to the basement club. So she’d recieved an email and it said from the end of August there would be no more funding allocated to me, and to close my account. I knew nothing about any of this so as you can imagine I was very surprised. She told me she’d gotten really annoyed with ~Adrian, whose my case manager, on the phone, because he came across as cold, abrupt, etc. I told her that I felt that when I’d spoken to him last week about the grant I was to get for college that he’d seemed like that to me too. So now I’m stuck and am not sure if I’ll have transportation to my appointments with Dr Barry, Mark and Karen O my nutritionist. My taxi’s to Eileen are safe as another organisation pays for those. I decided to ring Karen R, the now team leader but who most of you know as Dr Barrys social worker. I spent literally all afternoon trying to get hold of her, but she wasnt in her office. Eventually I left a message asking her to call me back and at 10 to 5 she called me. We talked and she said that she’d email Adrian tomorrow, and ask to look at my outgoings for the past few weeks, she said he’d said in his email to her, because yes, he also emailed Karen R, and said that they were suspending my account but maybe it could be reviewed if they had a clear schedule of when exactly I’d be using the taxi’s and for what. So Karen R said she’d let him know that I need taxi’s for my 3 appointments, two of which are weekly and one is monthly. That was one crisis kinda solved. The other thing that happened today was about school and again more taxi issues. When I met the manager of the college a few months back and I told him I would need help with funding my transport he was ok with that, and went so far as to tell me he’d be able to give me 100 euro a week towards my transport needs. I made it up today, after I’d gotten a set price from the company I’d be using, and it will cost 150 euro a week to go to and from school…15 euro each way. So knowing that, I called him and asked him if he’s still giving me the grant towards costs of transport. He said how much, and when I told him 100 Euro he was like, um, I am not sure, usually only a set amount is allowed, let me talk to the funding department and get back to you about it. Fair enough I said, but when will you get back to me? I’m supposed to start on the 7th of september! He was like I dont know, I’ve things to do, I’ll get back to you when I can. Sounded so uninterested and like he wasnt really bothered. But I need to know for my own peace of mind! If I cant get the funding, I cant go to school, simple as that. My whole life, everything I’ve been working towards for the past year, everything I’ve becoming stable for, trying to stay well for, so I could go to school, get my qualification, get a job at the end of it, is coming crashing down around me. Its so frustrating and unsettling and I feel like crap. I even ended up arguing with my mom and dad and making my dad really mad at me. My mom and me talked and mom said that I shouldnt give up hope, that he hasnt said no yet and he might not. I got to thinking, and he has bought jaws, and a new computer to put jaws on, so then I though well, he wont want to waste the equipment now that he’s bought it, because nobody else can use it. So maybe on that basis he’ll say yes and give me the 100 euro. The other thing mom said was that perhaps he’ll say I have to pay half, that would be 75 euro a week I’d have to pay. I have a monthly income, as well as a weekly one, the monthly one is a top up, and if it came to it I could afford 75 a week, if I took some of the money out of the monthly income I have. So it might just work out. I hope it does. I really want to go to school. I want to have a life. I dont want to spend my days sitting around at home doing nothing. I’d much prefer to be out of the house and having something to do every day, something to get up for in the mornings, and something to show at the end of the two years. Please, if you pray, pray that this all works out. If you dont pray, send me good vibes and or thoughts.