So we started a new creative writing group yesterday at the basemtn club. The first thing we did after a little bit of meditating, was we did stream of consciousness writing, and here is what I wrote about. We only wrote for five minutes. I did enjoy doing this and it has helped me immensely.
I have to say that dealing with psychotic symptoms is probably one of the most debilitating things I have had to deal with. last night the voices came back full force. loud, very loud. i tried to stop them, by doing the things they wanted by asking them to shut up, but nothing worked. Everything felt like it was closing in around me. I fought and fought hard but nothing I did seemed to work. I’ve been awake all night, battling the voices. Todays been a little bit better. But I still feel the after effects. The voices seem to have faded today. But somehow I doubt they’ll be like that for long. I thought the meds that I take for the psychosis would stop the being out of touch with reality. I am not sure they’re actually working. Who knows if they are. Voices are so scary. What they say scares me a lot. Especially when they are trying to tell me to kill myself, or saying harsh or critical things about me. It hurts. I hurt and nothing I do or say helps. I suppose I need to explore the voices a little bit more in therapy. I’m sort of afraid to bring them up sometimes. Not because I think my therapist cant handle them. Just because I feel stupid, or like I cant say the things out loud that they say to me. I think though that if we explored it a little bit more then maybe they’d calm down. I am not sure its just a thought but I think its definitely worth giving more time to it. I am probably going to talk to Eileen some more about it when she gets back from her vacation next week.
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