So I think I mentioned that our aunt and uncle are here from the UK. Its our dads sister. She’s 72 years old, and I think after what happened today, I’ll be glad when she goes home. Heres how it went.
My aunt: Where are you going?
Me: To therapy.
My aunt: Therapy? What for?
Me: To deal with my past.
My aunt: What does your therapist talk to you about? Does she talk to you about what happened in Dublin?
Me: I dont want to talk about it.
My aunt: Come on, whats therapy about?
Me: We talk about a lot, not just what happened in dublin.
My aunt: But there’s nothing wrong with you. Its all in your head.
My aunt: Well? There’s nothing wrong with you, your wasting your time going there.
Me: Silence again but almost crying.
Then my dad butted in to tell her to shut up and leave me be. That was a shock. I never thought he’d back me up but he did. Thank you dad.
Then I went to therapy, almost crying all the way there. Thank god for my therapist.
When I got home my aunt tried to find out what happened in therapy but I didnt tell her. I am talking to her again now, but I am still very upset with her.
Thoughts come and go
My mind follows
Just upset, want to forget
We’ve been crying. Everywhere hurts. There is this sadness in the pit of our stomach. We just called our therapist Eileen, she’s going to ring us back in about five minutes. I know Saoirse was out because I read her two poems. I’m not sure what this sadness is about. I think some trauma memories may be about to hit us hard. Good thing we’ll be having that therapy check in. We need it. The pain in my insides is horrendous. It runs so deep. I feel a dullness in my head, like a throbby aching feeling. Ug.
its emily. im real upset. yesterday the nurse who transfered us to the hospital said i threatened to overdose if we didnt get transferred. thats not true. i never did that. it made me cry. cuz they writed it in our notes. carol anne ask the doctor if he believed that i threatened him with overdose. he said no that i didnt. but the risk is there. that still makes me mad. cuz why did that nurse say that. she was there when i talked to the doctor. i was brave. i said who i was when he asked me and i didnt lie. now i wish i hadnt told him who i was. i wish i’d pretended to be carol anne. but i was just being real and being myself. also, the nurse called me one of shirleys friends. i am an insider not an imaginary friend. it makes me mad so very mad and upset. carol anne told our therapist about it. she told carol anne to reassure me that its ok and we’d talk about it when i see her next. we’re going to ask to go home today. and have an out patient appointment on Monday and see dr barry then. at least dr barry believes in us and believes me when I say im emily and not shirley or carol anne. at least she doesnt call me an imaginary friend. that is just disrespectful i think.