Tag Archives: The past

THE COUNT DOWN IS ON

I’M SITTING HERE WAITING FOR THE TAXI TO ARRIVE TO TAKE US TO OUR APT WITH DR BARRY AND I’M TRYING TO PLAN OUT WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY to her. WE HAVE TO HAVE AN INTENSE CONVERSATION, I DO, I’M THE ONE WHO WAS TRIGGERED LAST WEEK AFTER OUR APPOINTMENT SO ITS UP TO ME TO TELL HER THAT AND WHY AND STUFF. I’M NERVOUS AND APPREHENSIVE. I HATE WHEN I HAVE TO TELL HER SOMETHING THATS DIFFICULT TO SAY OR PUT INTO WORDS. IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE THAT WHEN SHE WAS SAYING GOOD THINGS ABOUT US, COMPLIMENTING US, SAYING HOW INTELLIGENT WE WERE, WHAT POTENTIAL WE HAD, THAT THAT’D TRIGGER OFF PAST SHIT IN ME PAST MESSAGES FROM TOXIC PEOPLE LIKE OUR ABUSERS. BUT IT DID. AND NOW I HAVE TO TRY TO EXPLAIN IT TO DR BARRY SOMEHOW. NOT SURE SHE’S GONNA UNDERSTAND SINCE SHE’S PROBABLY NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN HER LIFE. ALL I CAN DO IS GIVE IT MY BEST SHOT I GUESS AND HOPE FOR THE BEST. I COULD ASK ANOTHER INSIDER TO DO THE EXPLAINING FOR ME, BUT I AM NOT A WIMP AND I KINDA WANT THE CHANCE TO EXPLAIN IT MYSELF. PUSH PULL, I WANT TO, I DONT WANT TO. UG. I HATE MY EMOTIONS SOMETIMES.
LIZ

Love me challenge day 8

Day 8: Share a scar

Although not a physical scar, my many overdoses have left a lot of emotional scars. So much so that now taking tablets is a big issue for me. When I have to take even just a tablet for a headache, I physically feel like Im going to throw up. All the times I swallowed handfuls of pills, its just a reminder that I did that which I would rather not have to think about.