Day 17 Something that feeds your soul
Reading inspirational stories. Stories about kids who’ve overcome the odds, or anyone really, whose story is inspiring. I also like reading about animals especially dogs, rescue animals, and working dogs. I also love collecting quotes and reading nice poems.
So I’ve posted on our blog a few times, that our grandad was very ill. It was kidney failure he had.
He died last Sunday. At 1:25 in the afternoon. It was a really peaceful death, but the lead up to it was awfully hard on him. The week before he died he was extremely sick. The toxins from his kidneys went into his brain. He had severe agitation, confusion, etc. It was really awful to watch him go through that.
On Friday morning he got a morphine pump on…and that was the beginning of the end. He slipped into a coma then and only woke up for brief periods, where his eyes would flicker open and he make little sounds. We were all there when he passed, all of his six kids, and 10 grandkids. He died smiling.
The funeral was yesterday. It was so very sad. But it was also so beautiful. He got cremated. That was his wish. The service was beautiful, with lots of singing, readings, my aunt spoke about him, and we did the prayers of the faithful. I almost fell apart as I read them but somehow I held it together.
Its been a really emotional few days. To be honest I am glad its all over. It has really taken an emotional toll on us. I know my grandad is happy now and he isnt suffering any longer. Its a relief for him really. He had such a fear of dying, however he fought such a courageous and brave battle. He inspires me to be positive or try to be positive about life and keep fighting and battling on even when I dont want to.
“The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic of psychological trauma.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery
Feeling so cold
numb to the bone
trying to survive this all on my own
chills in my body
the aching follows
my heart thumping
no sound, just loud thudding noises coming from inside
my voice is unheard
only silence comes out
disconnected from my mind, body and heart
unable to make sense of the world around me
as i grapple to get back
back into the normal world
its clear dissociation has taken control
can I beat it?