Todays been a terrible day. Late last night, I started vomiting and had severe diarrea. It was awful and really triggered us. If there is one aspect of being sick that I hate its vomiting. So…I spent the greater part of last night in and out to the bathroom, and just generally being miserable. Then this morning I had to cancel our dr Barry apt. I phoned our mom and she told me she was sick too with the same thing. Not surprising as over the weekend our sister had it and last week her kids had it. My sister, the angel that she is phoned me later on in the morning to ask me if I needed anything. I asked her to bring me some lucasade sport, and when she was coming in to collect Lauren from school she dropped it to me. I spent the majority of the day in bed. Lucky for me I feel much better now though. Lucky too that I was able to get an appointment to see Dr Barry next Monday. I thought I may not be able to get one so soon.
So its mothers day today in Ireland and I think in the UK too. We gave our mom her mothers day present already on Friday evening. We gave her a bunch of flowers, chocolates and a bottle of baileys liquoir. And of course a card too. She was thrilled with what we gave her and kept thanking us.
We were meant to be going for a meal today but our sisters sick. She got a stomach bug and she was so sick with it that she had to go to the out of hours doctor and get an injection. The pain was so bad that she was crying with pain. I felt really sorry for her. Both her partner and her little boy have had it so it did stand to reason that she’d get it also.
I seriously hope I wont get it because its awful. If there is one sickness I cant stand its vomiting and diarroea.
Mom said tonight that we could go for the meal on St Patricks day to make up for not going on mothers day. For St Patricks day we’ve decided to go to a local parade and then we’ll probably go for something to eat afterwords.
so i woke up not able to breathe again. i spent a few minutes just laying there trying to gather myself. eventually though I just got up because there’s no point in laying there feeling triggered. I got a drink, went to the bathroom and tried to calm down. My heart was racing and my legs and body were shaking. this feels so miserable. I feel so miserable. I feel sick and I wish someone was here to keep reminding me that its memories, its the past creeping in on me. Its so hard to hold that thought in my brain when the breathing attacks hit. they bring back so much bad thoughts, so many vivid memories. I think its time for yet another hot drink. a hot drink, some music, or something to help ground me. Yes. thats what I need.
todays been rough. i feel miserable. i have a bad cold, thats going down into my chest. its making me feel really triggered. if theres one thing i hate, its being sick. its being unable to breathe. it reminds me of awful things. it reminds me of near drownings, of being buried alive. it reminds me of almost dying. i have to keep telling myself that no, i’m not back there now. i’m safe. but do i believe it? sometimes i dont. mom made me a hot drink, a lemsip. at least she’s taking care of me. this colds been coming on for days now. this morning,it hit me hard. this is the start of the winter sicknesses. every year is the same, i get a ton of them. i even got the flu shot thinking i’d escape them. but noooo. well, i’m going to try and soldier on. struggling, but not giving up. reminding myself that the past is the past, and its different now. there are people who care about me now and nobody in my current life wants me dead. its a lot of effort but I must try. I must believe.
Today was an all over the place kinda day. I woke up this morning feeling like crap. My throat hurt. My head hurt. I think I have the flu. So I ended up staying in bed for a long time, just laying there and trying to sleep but mostly just thinking about things. Dangerous for me as I end up with racing thoughts in no time. Eventually I got up, and ate some dinner. Our dad had made a lovely chicken curry. I have to say, our dad is an awesome cook. Our mom is lucky because usually he cooks on most days. And on the days when she does the cooking, he always prepares the meal so all she has to do is put it in the oven. After dinner I just hung out, not doing much of anything. I just watched some tv. Later on this evening our aunt moms sister phoned to ask mom and I if we wanted to go to her house for drinks. So we did. It was a good night. We just chatted and caught up on all the family news. Now its almost 2 AM and I’m just home. Tomorrow mom and us and our lil sister and her kids are going to a local garden centre for lunch, and because there is a fun day for kids. It should be a nice day and a nice start to the weekend.