when everyone inside is yelling
about secrets i’m telling
and my mind is a blurr
and I’m just unsure
when I cant sleep
and I’m in too deep
when I want to self harm
to rid myself of things
things that make it oh so hard to think, talk, sleep or walk
and its all I can do
to sit, and try
my thoughts that alarm
What is your motivation to recover?
Its simple. I dont want the rude, judgemental comments. I dont want people to stare at me or my scars. I dont want self injury to be a part of my life. I want to try to use healthier coping skills. I think in the long run that would be much more beneficial.
What part of your body is most effected by it?
Well its my arms. Most of my scarring is superficial though. Luckily I dont have very deep or severe scars. Most of our self harm was done with thin razor blades, occasionally it was done with scissors or a knife, but not too often. I guess I am glad I dont have big huge scars, because it would just be one more thing for people to be judgemental of.
How long have you been self harming? Discuss why you started.
Well…we’re self harmers, not all of us are though. There are some members of the system for whom self harm is a coping mechanism…they cant help doing it, because it gives them relief from the pain they feel. for one insider, Lexi, it helps her to feel emotions, when she feels the blood on her skin, she says she knows she’s alive. We started to self harm when we were a teenager, it just went on from there. It got worse over the years, for a few years it was very out of control. Now not so much any more. Actually we’ve been self harm free for the most part now for over a year. That is a good thing in my opinion. Self harm is viewed so negatively that it is better if we can avoid doing it, as usually when we go to A and E they are awful to us and hurt us further by their cruel and often derogatory comments.
List 10 activities that help you to calm down when the urge to self harm is strongest?
My list is:
1 Listening to music.
2 Walking or exercising.
3 Talking on the phone to my so or a friend.
4 Hearing my therapists voice.
5 Playing with my stress ball.
6 Playing with our dog Nitro.
7 Coloring in a coloring book.
8 Doing some deep breathing or relaxation.
9 Playing a game on our i phone.
10 Doing something like email or blogging.