I met with our OT Mark today. We had met two weeks ago and started a plan for going back to college. Basically we did a kinda care plan and a plan of action around my anxietys. Its called anticipation and preparation. Today we were just finishing it off. I almost didnt make it this morning, as I went to bed quite late and so when it came time to get up I was being lazy. But eventually I got out the door and I’m so glad I did. Mark has written everything out in a kinda bullet point format. He’s going to email it to me as soon as he gets a chance. Then it will be up to me what I do with it. I plan on giving a copy to my key worker in college, and I told Mark to put a copy in my file for Dr Barry to read. I also plan on sharing it here and with some other friends. Mark suggested that once I start college that instead of me going to meet him once a month at the day hospital, he could come to me instead. This I thought was a great idea. It will also save me some money on taxi costs. The school are ok with him coming to see me there too. They know him as he’s attended meetings on my behalf with the manager of the college and the college psychologist. It actually makes sense for him to come to me otherwise I’d be trying to get to our appointment for 8:15 AM and then on to college and I’d be about an hour late as the classes start at 9 AM. Mark told me that between now and my start date if I need anything to feel free to call him and he even said that next week if anything comes up for me and I needed to see him he would be able to slot me in. I doubt I’ll need to see him though before I start. I will probably call him after my first day though just to let him know how it all went.
I am starting a series of vlogs on did and my experience with the disorder. The first vlog is on my did diagnosis. Hope you enjoy hearing about how I came to my diagnosis of did.
I’m so very happy. This morning I’ve gotten some real good news about school. Remember the other day I wrote about the transportation crisis? And how the school said they werent sure if they’d be able to pay for my funing, well part of it? They were meant to pay 100 euro and I’d pay 50 euro per weeek. Well, today the manager phoned me. He said he’d spoken to the department and he’d secured the funding. So its all worked out. I’m so delighted. Thats one less things to be worried about now. And it means I can start and my start date is the 7th of September. And it means I’ll be going and learning, getting up every day to do something, instead of staying home and doing nothing. I am thrilled. Life is good. I’m so excited to start. This morning mom took me to do some route familiarisation around the college. That went really well. Mom is great at giving me directions and instructions and showing me what I need to do. The instructor was there too, she showed us the different rooms we’ll be using. She said though that I wasnt to worry as there would always be someone around, so if I get lost or cant find something to ask and someone will show me. I’m very happy. Thanks for all your good vibes prayers and good thoughts. They all really helped. > carol anne
We saw Dr Barry this morning. When we went in she knew something was up, she straight away asked me how I was, she said I wasnt looking too hot. I told her I’d gotten really triggered last night because that guy had come to the door, remember the guy who was supposedly selling make up? Anyway I told Dr Barry that when he was at my door I was real dissociative, foggy and fuzzy, couldnt think clearly, couldnt concentrate to tell him to leave, but how eventually I did it somehow and he left quietly and without a fuss. Dr Barry said it was unlike me to just open the door, and I told her I’d been distracted and hadnt been thinking clearly. She said that it could happen to anyone, and how when its summer time and not dark outside, and only 7 o’clock in the evening, you think it is ok to open your door. She reassured me that he’s on my cameras, and that I could get the file off the hard drive if I needed to. She asked me what I’d have done if he hadnt left, and I was like I dont know! I didnt think of that. My phone had been in my bedroom, I suppose I could have screamed, someone might have heard me, but well not really sure what other options I have. I dont know marshall arts or self defense. I’m not tall and I dont think I could win if he put up a fight. Luckily he didnt though which is good. I told Dr Barry I’d been pretty unsettled for the rest of the night after he’d gone. Luckily I’d been texting my friend sarah and that kinda grounded me and kept me from totally zoning out, although we did have quite an amount of switching for the rest of last night. Taylor whose six was having hallucinations after he left, i think the fact that some strange man was at our door scared her and sent her into trigger mode. She always hallucinates when triggered. Even when we went to bed we werent able to go to sleep for a long time, and when we eventually did, we kept waking up and having bad dreams. It was just an all round hard night. Dr Barry was really noticing how unsettled we were today. We talked a little about the dissociation, and how eileen always catches it when we’re in therapy, but I told her that when we’re on our own there is no one to notice and ground us orientate us back to the present. It feels overwhelming to try to do it all by ourselves. It was a good appointment and Dr Barry reassured me which was nice and something that was much needed by all of us in the system.
Day five: Fears
In no particular order
Wasps bees in fact any creepy crawly
My thoughts sometimes