Tag Archives: Recovery


Therapy was hard going tonight. I found out something very eye opening. There are members of our system who are purposefully keeping us in an unstable mode. Thos however is not to be self sabotaging. It is because they fear getting better. They fear losing the support of doctor barry and our therapist. They fear that if we become more stable then doctor barry will stop seeing us weekly and Eileen will dump us. This realisation left me feeling somewhat puzzled. I mean I personally want to have a life. I want to do something in life, I want to live life and be stable. But obviously not everybody inside does as cam out tonight. Eileen said it is perfectly understandable given our history and she isnt judging us because of it. But it makes me feel really guilty and like a terrible person for not noticing. I am meant to be a protector. How could I not notice? How did I not see? What was I doing that I didnt catch what was going on? I guess I was so caught up in my own shit that I didnt realise the depth of some others fear and I just thought that insiders were in crisis and or acting out of self destruct mode. And in part they were. But in part it was fear. Fear of recovery. Fear of becoming well. Eileen said that no matter what, even if we become 100 percent well, whatever that looks like, that she’s not going anywhere. We will still have her in our lives as a support. That was a relief for those insiders to hear. The panick eased and then one of the insiders who’d been doing the self destructive things came out and her and Eileen talked things through. It was agreed that on Friday at the meeting between dr L and doctor Barry and Eileen and us that this issue would be discussed. We feel very vulnerable discussing it with the two doctors, because we feel like doctor barry is going to go nuts and lose the plot completely over this. Eileen says she wont. I’m not so sure. I hope she wont. I am proud of those insiders who were hampering our recovery over the past number of weeks, I’m proud that they felt able to open up to Eileen and admit to what they’d been doing. That means there is progress being made. Of course it helped that Eileen noticed too that that was what the problem was. She initiated the conversation around it. But still, I am proud of them for owning up to what they were doing.
Carol anne

Seeing our psychiatrist doctor Barry today

hi its me emily
im going to write about seeing doctor barry. im gonna write about it because i was out for most of the time. lexi had a little bit of time at the start, but i had most of the session. we were with doctor barry for an hour or so. i had to tell her a few things. i told her that i’ve been using laxatives and its been a long time since i did that. i wanted to also get diet pills but i couldnt. she asked if i’d been using the laxatives for long, and i told her for about 7 days or so. she asked if i’d been purging but i havent. i’ve been very anxious though and obsessing about my weight and weighing myself a lot and denying people food and not taking our meds properly.doctor barry said she realised i have a lot of power in the system, i said yes I do i am a power child. plus also carol anne is very depressed right now so its easier to get by her and around her because she is so down and suicidal and stuff. doctor barry asked how else could i manage my memories over the next week instead of doing self distructive things. i said i wasnt sure but i could write to our therapist or i could write things down for her. she said that sounded good to her. i also told her about cora and the break through we had recently in therapy with her. she was very pleased about that. we talked about eileen going on holidays next week. i said i am worried she wont return again. lexi was worried about that too. doctor barry said is everyone worried? i said ro isnt worried. she says eileens gonna return and not to worry. doctor barry said ro is right. i asked doctor barry if she was upset by the things we tell her. she said what we tell her is very traumatic but that i am not to worry, because it is her job to help us with our traumas and help us to manage them and that she is ok, and that we shouldnt worry about her that her feelings are not our responsibility. she wasnt mean about it though. she just said that she knows we pick up on things easily and to try and not worry about her. karen the social worker came in for part of the session to talk about the funding for our therapy and other recovery needs. she is going to ring the two organisations involved with that and get back to us tomorrow. she was all over nitro and rubbing him and oooing and awing over him. her and doctor barry had fun trying to decide if nitro was vicious or not. it was really hilarious. karen was all like thats what you need, a big vicious dog. and doctor barry was like um he’s big, but he’s not vicious. and they was both giggling. and then i started giggling. it was too funny. i told doctor barry that carol anne wants to get our school records back. doctor barry said she doesnt think its a good idea right now because the system is too unstable. she said maybe in a few months when things settle down a little bit. oh yeah it was karens first time to meet me, she is used to meeting carol anne. but she was nice to me and i asked her if she’d had a good holiday and she said yes and she was in a bad mood being back at work but i think she was joking about that. we see doctor barry again next thursday at 12 30.
Emily age 12

The week ahead

The week ahead is looking like this.

Monday have an apt with dr Barry, our psychiatrist.

Wednesday we are going to the wellness and recovery group at the basement club, we also have an apt with the people from EPIC, empowering people in care.

Thursday we’re meeting our mentor C, we have an apt to do up a poster for something going on at the basement club with D another staff member, we’re chairing the members meeting in the basement club, and its also therapy day.

So its going to be a kinda busy week to say the least. I am hopeful that all the apts will all go to plan. They usually do though so I’m not particularly worried.

Carol anne

Leaves of change, the documentary

Just got back home after the launch of leaves of change, the new documentary that shine, who work with people and families with self experience of mental health issues created. It was a super documentary. The documentary featured two resource centres, well they are drop in community centres that shine run in Cork and dublin in Ireland. Their aim is to help people who suffer with mental health issues to recover. They do this in partnership with the staff who work there, the relationship between members and staff is an equal partnership. There are groups run in the centres, and also groups for relatives and family members. There is a whole lot of things going on from day to day within the centres. The documentary captured that beautifully. It was a great afternoon. Lots of photos were taken for the newspaper, and there were light refreshments. We got all done up and felt really good, lots of people complimented us on how fabulous we looked for the occasion. We also helped out with the information stand. In a few weeks part of the documentary will be online. When it is I’ll share the link. In the meantime check out shines website to find out more about their wonderful work. Visit

Carol anne

3 things to look for in a good therapist

Just because someone says a therapist is “good” doesn’t mean they’re
going to be good for you. The therapist that changed your friend’s
life may not change yours. I believe every therapeutic relationship is
different and many factors go into how effective a therapist can be.
Every therapist-client experience is unique.

There are the obvious factors that make a therapist “good,” like
communication and listening skills, the ability to read subtext (what
the client is really trying to say), creating a safe space, and
pulling from various theories. But I do believe there are three less
obvious but more vital qualities that every therapist should have to
be truly effective.

1. Your therapist must believe you can change.

You may feel hopeless about your story, but your therapist can not. If
so, he or she has a ceiling, turning the “room” into a box instead of
a clear blue sky. If they don’t believe change or healing is possible
for you, how can they help you execute it? And in order for them to
believe you can change, they must understand you and invest in your
story on some emotional level. They must not judge or compare you to
other clients. This creates a unique connection which builds trust.
And in this space, hope sprouts. Without it, there will be no growth.

Many therapists see clients they don’t believe can change. Now there’s
a difference between will and can. Will is on the client. Can is on
the therapist. Everything ends or begins with what one believes. This
includes your therapist.

2. Your therapist should have the kind of energy you aspire to obtain.

So many therapists have flat energy. And they can get away with it
because they have a plaque on their wall that says they went to
therapy school. This low energy is usually due to fear or burnout from
seeing too many clients. Fear to show one’s true self is extremely
common in this field. We learn to hold a neutral space so the focus is
on the client. OK, but at the risk of turning into a robot.

Of course, the session should always be about the client and not the
therapist. But I believe there should be contagious energy generated
by the therapist, the kind that is produced from one being fearless,
practicing transparency, and knowing how many clients is too many.
Basically, doing their best to live a healthy authentic life.

3. Your therapist has to awaken something in you.

Revelations aren’t enough. Your friends can give you a revelation
about yourself. Most seek therapy because a part of them feels dead.
Through the therapeutic process, something has to be awakened in the
client. It doesn’t matter how this is done. It depends on the
therapist. And I believe it’s less about her therapeutic approach and
more about who she is. Awakenings happen through collisions of people
being their authentic self. This awakening is what creates secondary

I don’t think it’s easy to find a “good” therapist. But the right one
can change your life.