Tag Archives: Rape

Book review-The girl in the mirror

So I just finished another great book by Cathy Glass. Its called the girl in the mirror. This is a novel, not a foster care memoir. It was interesting to read a novel of Cathys. I must say I didn’t find the novel as good as all of her foster care memoirs, but I did like it and I would still recommend it. The book went a little bit more slowly though and I did not find it to be a page turner.

The book is about Mandy, a 20 something who is an artist. She’s taken a career break for a year to paint more, but she seems to be having trouble painting anything. At the beginning of the book her grandpa falls ill, and her father asks her if she wants to go visit him. She goes, and ends up staying to nurse him. He’s staying with her aunt and uncle, whom she used to visit as a child regularly, but 10 years ago her parents stopped her from visiting and she doesn’t remember why. When she arrives at the house she starts having flashbacks, weird thoughts, images, etc. She cant figure out why she’s having the memories. A lot of the book focuses on her sick grandpa, and towards the end he dies, but the majority of the chapters focus on him, his illness, and on the care he is receiving from the family. In the end Mandy does remember, and when she does, she remembers vividly. She remembers being almost raped, and she thinks its her uncle that raped her. But it wasn’t, it was his brother. Before she remembers, she asks her gran, and the local shopkeeper to tell her why it is her parents and aunt and uncle stopped talking, and why it was her visits to them stopped when she was 13. But they keep telling her she’ll have to ask her father. After she remembers, she becomes very depressed, and after that, she decides to confront her uncles brother, her abuser. She searches him out, and then goes to visit him. But it turns out he’s dead. It turns out he abused not only her but his own daughter, and another friend of his daughters too. Mandy is really upset to find this out. In the end of the book she moves in with her boyfriend, whose name is Adam, and tells him of what happened to her as a child. All through the story she has mixed up feelings about touch, about adam, and she keeps giving him the cold shoulder. But he stays with her and when she tells him he’s shocked and saddened.

I did like the book despite the slowness of it. It didn’t build until near the middle of the story. But I still think it was good, I’d still recommend it to people. I do think though that Cathy is best writing memoirs and not as good at writing novels.

Things our abuse culture doesnt want you to know!

  • You have inherent worth. You don’t have to do anything to prove it, just existing is enough.
  • You deserve love, support and respect all the time. Not just when you did something particularly agreeable, not just when the person is in a good mood or physically and mentally well or is treated by others respectfully; you deserve to be treated well ALL THE TIME.
  • You deserve to freely express your emotions and speak your own realities without fear of retaliation or shame.
  • You deserve to be able to tell someone why you don’t like how they’re treating you and a) not fear retaliation, intimidation, violence or emotional manipulation because of it, and b) actually have that person listen, take it to heart, and then change their behavior accordingly.
  • You deserve autonomy over yourself. You deserve to think, feel, say, wear, do, and associate with what or whomever you want without any outside pressure or control. [Clearly you aren’t free to infring on the rights of others or treat
    them oppressively, but pretty much everything else is up to you and your best
    judgement.]
  • You deserve to put yourself first. You deserve to have your life be about you. Everyone else can come after.
  • You deserve space when you need space.
  • You deserve to reach out to whoever you want for support.
  • Your emotions and experiences are valid.
  • You are important.
  • You deserve to defend yourself and fight tooth and nail to ensure that the above points are acknowledged and respected.
  • You deserve to to have your body, identity, beliefs, history, heritage, community and individual struggles respected by default. You deserve to never have to defend, apologize for, or hide who and what you are, what your body looks like or what you believe in. [The exception is if any of that is oppressive to others.
    Whiteness as a construct and white supremacy are not cultures, they are
    bigotry, hatred and oppression and those things do not deserve respect.]
  • You deserve complete control over who you associate with. You deserve to cut off communication with anyone if you feel that is the healthiest decision for you. You don’t need to justify that decision to anyone but yourself.
  • You deserve complete control over what information you choose to disclose to others about your body, your history, and your identities. You can be out if you want, you can be closeted if you want. You don’t owe anyone anything and you’re allowed to withhold any and all information about yourself that you’re uncomfortable sharing or that may put you at risk or in danger. [The exception to this is if
    withholding information that could have a direct impact on others, for
    example, not telling a potential sexual partner about your STD status. If it
    doesn’t affect them, it isn’t any of their business and you deserve to keep it
    to yourself if you want without fear of retaliation, guilt or shame.]
  • You are perfect exactly the way you are.
  • You deserve to survive. No matter how many times you may have fucked up in the past, or how “worthless” this oppressive society may tell you you are, you have infinite value by default, you have the right to choose how to live your life, and you deserve to live and be happy.