I dont think I’ve ever really openly discussed how much our dads anger effects our system. By nature our dad is a very controlling and angry man. His temper flares up easily, and its a huge trigger for us. Well for the majority of us it is anyway. There are a few who can handle it.
Our dad is an alcoholic, he got sick in 2007 with sorosis of the liver, and he gave up the drink for four years, but in 2011 he went back on it again, and now he drinks every day. It makes us sad for him, that he chooses that way of dealing with his own issues, rather than getting help…but it also makes us scared for us, so we try to stay out of his way as much as we can, and are able to.
Luckily our mom isnt really a drinker, and although she isnt always emotionally there for us, she physically meets our needs, and she does try and is trying now what with going to the family therapy that dr barry set up for her and our sister.
Years ago when we were a teen our dad did some very serious shit to us, I’d call it abuse because he got physical with us, restraining us, locking us in the bedroom for hours on end while our mom was at work. He’d push us, throw things at us, and yell at us. Fortunately for me I dont hold those memories, but someone here does and still feels so weak, small and scared when our dad is around.
Someone here also feels guilt that he got sick, because at the time we were blamed for his illness, it was all our fault, because we’d taken so many overdoses that we’d caused him stress. That hurt a lot. It still hurts.
We do try to have some sort of a relationship with him, and I am finding the less we see of him the easier it is to engage with him in a non threatening, non explosive way.