Tag Archives: Psychiatrist

This weeks Dr Barry appointment was intense

I didnt go to college today. I am depressed. I’ve been having severe flashbacks. I couldnt face it. But I did see Dr Barry. I knew I had to go to see her to talk about all this. I went in there and sat down heavily and sighed.
Dr Barry: How are you today? How was your week?
Me: Oh dr barry, I feel awful. I’m depressed and suicidal.
She was shocked and concerned. Tell me about it? She said softly and gently. So I did.
I’ve been having awful flashbacks of the assault I suffered a year ago. For those who dont know or who arent aware, I was raped around last April. Basically, some people from my past, abusers, did it. So far no bodys been prosecuted. I told Dr Barry that I feel disgusting, and so worthless. I feel like I am just an object to be used and abused. And I almost cried but was able to hold the tears in. I told dr barry I’d emailed eileen last night. And before I’d left today to go to dr barry eileen had emailed me back and tried to reassure me. I was glad to get her email but I did not feel better even with her gentle and kind reassurances that I am not an object, that we can work through this, that she is here for me, and that I’ll be ok. I just felt flat, low, bla, like I was not able to cope.
Dr Barry listened, before softly telling me that its ok not to be ok. That I am way too hard on myself. That I put way too much pressure on myself to be a model patient. She said sometimes it takes time to deal with things, and its ok if I couldnt all along, I said I wasnt ready, and she reassured me that thats ok. Things only come out when we feel safe, and when we’re ready to share them. I then told her how I’d wanted to tell her months ago about my partner and talk about her illness and how I felt about that with her, but words failed me. I said how I knew she’d put so much into building a relationship with me, dr barry had, and how I felt that I was holding back and withholding information that was important. She said I should give myself a break, I should not try to be a model patient, that I’ve been doing great, but its ok to not do great too. I told her how my family are pressuring me to stay ok, and because they see me coping and being ok and having some good days, they then dont want me to have a bad day. She asked me if I told them that everyone has bad days, we cant all be ok all of the time. I said I had but they still dont seem to grasp it or get it. She said its their inability to understand the challenges I face and that I’ll probably never change them. I sighed and not for the first time wished I could have Dr Barry as my mom.
We talked about possibly adding a medication if the depression doesnt lift. She thought about the options and I was saying how most of the meds dont or havent worked for me. And then there is the added problem of remembering to take them. I was taking sertraline, but I have been off it for a while now. I was also taking lyrica but I no longer take that one either. I do take xeplion and in the end she said she’d increase that one. And she said I could get the next dose a week earlier than I was supposed to. So instead of taking 100 MG I’ll be taking 150 MG of that med starting next week. I hope it does something and is worth while. I was telling her how lately, the last two times I’ve gotten the injection, that I start out feeling good and then two weeks into the cycle I start to feel down, anxious, unstable. She said she hadnt heard anyone else say that but its possible.
She asked me if I wanted to sit down with her and talk about the police report that she was meant to do up after last years assault. I said some time I’d like to as we’ve not given the report to the police yet, and she hasnt fully written it, its just a draft and she wants to get my input as to what I want them to know about our did. So that needs to be done soon too.
Other than that she said Mark had texted her yesterday afternoon after the meeting we had in the morning, and told her it was really positive and I’d done really well advocating for myself and she was really pleased for me. I didnt know Mark was gonna do that. I thought he’d just leave a note in my file.
It was a good appointment though and I feel much better after it.

will No longer be writing about therapy or my Dr Barry appointments on this blog, please read on for more info!

Hi everyone
A quick heads up. I will not be putting my updates about my therapy or my Dr Barry appointments on my blog, or on any email lists in the future. I have decided to still write, but to keep those updates private, and to a handful of chosen friends only. So, if you’d like to still be part of my updates list, and recieve my updates about my dr barry appointments and my therapy sessions, please send me a note here, or to my personal email address, which is in the contact section on the homepage of this blog. A comment here with an email address where you’d like the updates to go will do too. I hope to see some of you. thanks.

We all need a little down time, says Dr Barry

At the end of our hour long appointment today we had a little bit of light chatter with Dr Barry. It went like this.
Me: When will you be going on holidays?
Dr Barry: The last week in october.
Me: Oh, and are you going anywhere nice?
Dr Barry: No, I’m just having some down time at home. Sometimes thats all you need isnt it? Some time to just chill out and do absolutely nothing.
Me: Sure, agree 100 percent!

We all need down time, dr Barry just reminded me to have mine!

Bits and pieces

I didn’t sleep good last night. It was partly because I slept earlier in the evening. When I came home from college yesterday my home help came and helped me cook, then I just crashed. So my pattern was all out of sync. I ended up waking up in the middle of the night and just got up then because I couldn’t get back to sleep again.

While I was up I caught up on email and read some blogs. I also fixed up my ipad, I had to reset it back to factory settings and update the IOS software. I am selling my ipad because I rarely use it, I always seem to use my I phone instead. My sisters boyfriend said he wants to buy it, so I’m selling it to him. I need money to buy a new laptop so I am selling a couple items, my ipad, kindle fire, and a netbook which I have but don’t like. Hopefully they will make enough money so that I can buy my new laptop and office and my jaws screen reading software as well.

Todays been a pretty quiet day at college. We had one class this morning, and someone came to talk to us about the schools new facebook page, other than that I’ve been just messing around online and stuff. I cant wait until next Monday when we will finally start the modules and really get into the work fully.

Tomorrow I see dr Barry. I’m looking forward to that. I’m sure we’ll talk about lots of stuff.