Tag Archives: Poems

Little poem that I just wrote

tattered and torn
used and worn
feeling so numb
trapped in her body
that she wants to shed
feeling so miserable
on a dismal wet day
days like this she always feels empty
feeling less than whole
because she is not whole
dissociation makes her fuzzy
the fuzzy feeling invades
her head swirls and spins
until she thinks it will fall off
at least for now there are no flashbacks intruding
that in itself is a blessing
but she knows it wont last
Carol anne
c2014

Have you ever?

Have you ever got the feeling that you could just lie down and die
That all the fire in the world couldn’t make you laugh or cry
Have you ever got the feeling that love isn’t worth the chance
That suicide is waiting almost like that of a last dance
Have you ever got the feeling that your life is like a war
That everywhere you turn, people slam your face in their doors
Have you ever got the feeling that darkness is closing in
It takes control of your mind
Blocking your life thats waiting to begin
Have you ever got the feeling that your hearts been betrayed
That its shattering into pieces even after its been tortured and taped up for display
Have you ever got the feeling that your filled with loneliness
That you’ve fallen into a dark hole
That your trapped in your own abbis
Have you ever looked up at the stars and just let your tears fall down
Have you ever wanted to get away so bad that you’d do anything just to get off the ground
Have you ever contemplated suicide and come within seconds of taking your life
But something changed your mind and made you trade your hand to not eating
Instead of slicing your wrists with a knife
Have you ever felt like your in hell, for no reason at all
i’ve fallen from grace and no one can hear my call
i’m hurting inside, i hurt so bad
i feel these things almost every day
i want to give up and stop being sad
i want to stop existing, I don’t want to know
I want to give up, I cant face tomorrow
And out of all the things I’ve felt for so long
I know I cant stay standing, I don’t want to be strong
Not if I have to live my life like this
I feel like I’m lost, feel like I’m down
I want to change half my life, but I cant seem to turn things around
I want to gain my beauty back, something in replace of the black circled eyes
I search everywhere, but I cant replace my abusers lies
My soul is dying, deflating fast
I’ve looked to the future always
I just cant get away from my past
And still it haunts me, still i beg to die
Still i touch the ground, waiting for a place to lie
Still i wonder aimlessly, folding at the seams
I’ve lost my heart, body and soul and now I’m losing my dreams

C1999

The pain of remembering

Mind racing
Heart thumping
Flashes before our eyes
Cant get away from the bad guys
As my mind swirls
And thoughts blurr
I begin to feel sick
Then I start to choke
As I try to keep from throwing up
A hand gently reaches out
“Your ok” She says softly
Those two words
“Your ok”
They speak to me
I find myself begin to tear up
Again those words are spoken
“your ok, your safe”
“I am here with you”
It is then I realise
I dont have to be alone with this pain
I can share it now
And Dr Barry will listen and hear me.

Carol anne
C2014

Trigger warning poetry about SRA ahead

The night is so shrill
It whistles so still
Alone a girl creeps
As everyone else sleeps

She is trying not to make any sound
But she falls to the ground
Triggered, and panicked
As the flashes of memory hit

It is not now, but back then
Not 2014
Not the present day at all

As she falls apart
She listens to the beating of her heart
It is beating so fast
Then she hears the sound of glass

Is it real? Or is it a dream
It is hard to scream
She feels the blood drip
Is it hers, or whose
Its hard to get a grip

So many years ago
Evil men and women stole
Her innocence, her childhood
Everything that was good

All in the name of satan

This poem was written last night. Last night was the spring equinox, a big cult holiday. We were extremely triggered for the majority of last night. We were staying with our parents, so it was hard because we had no where to hide, except in this room, which we did. Today is a new day though. The sun is shining, we’re hopeful of a good nights sleep tonight. The night is over now…a new day has dawned and is half over. We’re safe, its 2014. Keep swimming, right? Keep breatheing, right?

Carol anne