I’m in the depths of pain right now. Swimming, literally in it. It feels so raw. I dont want to feel. Feeling is so scary.
Our P.A Joy just left. She was here for an hour. It was definitely hard to try and keep up a front for her. I just wanted to fall apart. But I couldnt. I had to keep a lid on it.
There is this girl in my ward whose name is E. E has no tact. She actually came right up to Joy and asked her “do you think I need to shower”? Joy was like I dont know! I was shocked but I shouldnt be, after all, this is a psych unit we’re on.
Anyway, my our emotions are all over the place. Things feel very unsettled inside. Memories are floating around. Lots of hard memories. I dont think we are going to get a good nights sleep tonight. The nurse R who we know just came in about half an hour ago and asked how we are. She said “no sleep walking tonight”. She knows what we’re like. When we get massive attacks of flashbacks we either run out of our room screaming, vomit, or a combination of the two. Its horrendous.
Right now I just want the pain to stop. I want to have it end.