Tag Archives: Pain

Fighting the pain

I’m in the depths of pain right now. Swimming, literally in it. It feels so raw. I dont want to feel. Feeling is so scary.

Our P.A Joy just left. She was here for an hour. It was definitely hard to try and keep up a front for her. I just wanted to fall apart. But I couldnt. I had to keep a lid on it.

There is this girl in my ward whose name is E. E has no tact. She actually came right up to Joy and asked her “do you think I need to shower”? Joy was like I dont know! I was shocked but I shouldnt be, after all, this is a psych unit we’re on.

Anyway, my our emotions are all over the place. Things feel very unsettled inside. Memories are floating around. Lots of hard memories. I dont think we are going to get a good nights sleep tonight. The nurse R who we know just came in about half an hour ago and asked how we are. She said “no sleep walking tonight”. She knows what we’re like. When we get massive attacks of flashbacks we either run out of our room screaming, vomit, or a combination of the two. Its horrendous.

Right now I just want the pain to stop. I want to have it end.
Carol anne

Feelins, feelins

This morning I feel awful. My mood has dipped really low. My thoughts are racing. My mind wont shut off! I hate this feeling so much, it makes me want to run run run! Seeing doc barry in an hour…hoping she is able to give me some feedback and stuff. Kinda afraid she’s going hospitalise us, not really sure what her thoughts are but I know she knows we’ve been struggling for the past two or so weeks. If she doesn’t hospitalise us tomorrow will mark four weeks out of the hospital. Cant believe tomorrows the first of April? Our birthday is in April, not looking forward to it one bit. We’ll be 34 this year. Managed to take morning meds, almost threw up taking them. Managed to eat a bowl of cerial so thats a positive considering our ED is kicking our collective ass lately. Hoping your all having a good start to your Monday morning!
XX
Carol anne