Day 8: Share a scar
Although not a physical scar, my many overdoses have left a lot of emotional scars. So much so that now taking tablets is a big issue for me. When I have to take even just a tablet for a headache, I physically feel like Im going to throw up. All the times I swallowed handfuls of pills, its just a reminder that I did that which I would rather not have to think about.
its emily. im real upset. yesterday the nurse who transfered us to the hospital said i threatened to overdose if we didnt get transferred. thats not true. i never did that. it made me cry. cuz they writed it in our notes. carol anne ask the doctor if he believed that i threatened him with overdose. he said no that i didnt. but the risk is there. that still makes me mad. cuz why did that nurse say that. she was there when i talked to the doctor. i was brave. i said who i was when he asked me and i didnt lie. now i wish i hadnt told him who i was. i wish i’d pretended to be carol anne. but i was just being real and being myself. also, the nurse called me one of shirleys friends. i am an insider not an imaginary friend. it makes me mad so very mad and upset. carol anne told our therapist about it. she told carol anne to reassure me that its ok and we’d talk about it when i see her next. we’re going to ask to go home today. and have an out patient appointment on Monday and see dr barry then. at least dr barry believes in us and believes me when I say im emily and not shirley or carol anne. at least she doesnt call me an imaginary friend. that is just disrespectful i think.