Day Ten: Have you ever done a system map? How extensively have you mapped your system?
We tried a system map some years ago. We never finished it though. We found it to be too difficult at the time. I’m sure if we tried again now we could manage it though. We know a lot more now about our system than we did back then. I know a system map is different for each did system. Some systems just put the names and ages of system members on their map, while others put lots of info about each system member on it. I think for us we would just do the names and ages part because there are way too many of us and it could become way too long.
Day Nine: What level of co-consciousness do you have? How do you feel your communication skills are within the system? How do you want to grow in those skills?
We have a varied level of coconsciousness. Some of our system members have almost perfect coconsciousness, while others dont have barely any. It really depends on who your talking to in the system. Some system members will be able to tell you about our day to day life, and about the things we do daily, but others wont. In therapy we’re working on inner communication and inner cooperation. Its hard to get the cooperation going but when it happens its lovely. I hope to keep working on these aspects and eventually I would hope our communication would be much better than it is now. It would certainly be nice if we were all on the same page…
Day Eight: How did you first discover you were plural? Was it before, after, or during diagnosis?
We discovered we were plural early on. When we were 18 we got into therapy. Our then therapist realised pretty quickly that something was up, since we were losing time, dissociating, and then a child part came out in session one day. When she realised we might be multiple, she got us in with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist assessed us and then decided that yes we were multiple. That was in 2001. It was unofficial as that psychiatrist was not an expert in did and trauma or dissociation in general. In 2010 we had the opportunity to have some did experts come over from the Uk and test us and formerly diagnose us. So in 2010 we were formerly diagnosed with did. The tests were long and very intense. We had the structured clinical interview for dissociative disorders done. A lot of things fell into place for us once this interview was done. We were then able to work more on inner communication once this test was completed. Before that we werent really doing a lot of internal work in therapy. After diagnosis we started with Eileen who is our current therapist and since we started with her we’ve made huge progress.
Day Seven: How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?
We are a very large system. We’re what is known as polyfragmented, basically, meaning there are more than 100 of us in the system. This is a type of did that is common in ritually abused people. Anyone I know of whose polyfragmented, has been ritually abused in childhood. I suppose there could be exceptions to this though. As for who knows about each other in the system, that varies, we have a core group of insiders who front regularly, and we are all co conscious with each other. There are others however who are further back, who dont live where the core group lives, and who are not coconscious with us. There are also those who have varying degrees of conconsciousness. Some have it with me, in fact most insiders have it with me. Mostly if you are a regular fronter or someone who has much interaction with the outside world, then that insider has some degree of coconsciousness.