Tag Archives: Jokes

Giggle of the day…life as a senior citizen can be so much fun!

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn’t do
something useful with my time.

“Like playing golf and tennis, sitting around the pool, and drinking
wine is not a good thing?” I asked.

Talking about my “doing-something-useful” seems to be her favorite
topic of conversation.

She was “only thinking of me”, she said and suggested that I go down
to the Senior Center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank
on her. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.

She replied, “Are you nuts? You are 70 years old and now you’re
going to start jumping out of airplanes?”

I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to
her.

She immediately telephoned me and yelled, “Good grief, where are
your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute
Club.”

“Oh man, I’m in trouble again,” I said, “I really don’t know what to
do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!”

The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that
my daughter had fainted.

Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it
can be fun.

Little johnny strikes again! Giggle of the day!

A primary school teacher in Killarney asked her students to use the word
‘fascinate’ in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, ‘My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his
pet sheep.
It was fascinating.’

The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
‘fascinate, not fascinating’.

Sally raised her hand. She said, ‘My family went to see the Blarney Stone
and I was fascinated.

The teacher said, ‘Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word ‘fascinate.’

Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’, so she called
on him.

Johnny said, ‘My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons,
but her tits are so big she can only “fasten eight”

Humour-9 words women use…

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE…
(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five
minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes
to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in
fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about
nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can
make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say
you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she
says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at
all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’.. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever : Is a woman’s way of saying…Go to Hell…

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’
For the woman’s response refer to # 3.