“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”
“I hold the hands of people I never touch.
I provide comfort to people I never embrace.
I watch people walk into brick walls, the same ones over and over again, and I coax them to turn around and try to walk in a different direction.
People rarely see me gladly. As a rule, I catch the residue of their despair. I see people who are broken, and people who only think they are broken. I see people who have had their faces rubbed in their failures. I see weak people wanting anesthesia and strong people who wonder what they have done to make such an enemy of fate. I am often the final pit stop people take before they crawl across the finish line that is marked: I give up.
Some people beg me to help.
Some people dare me to help.
Sometimes the beggars and the dare-ers look the same. Absolutely the same. I’m supposed to know how to tell them apart.
Some people who visit me need scar tissue to cover their wounds.
Some people who visit me need their wounds opened further, explored for signs of infection and contamination. I make those calls, too.
Some days I’m invigorated by it all. Some days I’m numbed.
Always, I’m humbled by the role of helper.
And, occasionally, I’m ambushed.
Stephen White “Critical Conditions”
Have you ever got the feeling that you could just lie down and die
That all the fire in the world couldn’t make you laugh or cry
Have you ever got the feeling that love isn’t worth the chance
That suicide is waiting almost like that of a last dance
Have you ever got the feeling that your life is like a war
That everywhere you turn, people slam your face in their doors
Have you ever got the feeling that darkness is closing in
It takes control of your mind
Blocking your life thats waiting to begin
Have you ever got the feeling that your hearts been betrayed
That its shattering into pieces even after its been tortured and taped up for display
Have you ever got the feeling that your filled with loneliness
That you’ve fallen into a dark hole
That your trapped in your own abbis
Have you ever looked up at the stars and just let your tears fall down
Have you ever wanted to get away so bad that you’d do anything just to get off the ground
Have you ever contemplated suicide and come within seconds of taking your life
But something changed your mind and made you trade your hand to not eating
Instead of slicing your wrists with a knife
Have you ever felt like your in hell, for no reason at all
i’ve fallen from grace and no one can hear my call
i’m hurting inside, i hurt so bad
i feel these things almost every day
i want to give up and stop being sad
i want to stop existing, I don’t want to know
I want to give up, I cant face tomorrow
And out of all the things I’ve felt for so long
I know I cant stay standing, I don’t want to be strong
Not if I have to live my life like this
I feel like I’m lost, feel like I’m down
I want to change half my life, but I cant seem to turn things around
I want to gain my beauty back, something in replace of the black circled eyes
I search everywhere, but I cant replace my abusers lies
My soul is dying, deflating fast
I’ve looked to the future always
I just cant get away from my past
And still it haunts me, still i beg to die
Still i touch the ground, waiting for a place to lie
Still i wonder aimlessly, folding at the seams
I’ve lost my heart, body and soul and now I’m losing my dreams
I want somehow to tell the story of how the dispossessed become possessed of their own history without losing sight, without forgetting the meaning or the nature of their journey.
-Sherley Anne Williams
To use the past without being controlled by it — that is our responsibility to history. Because the past is irrecoverably vanished, it’s sometimes tempting to forget it or to falsify it. But being true to ourselves means being true to our history.
Past cruelties can remain powerful in our lives — yet to take possession of our history means to free ourselves of bondage to past events. Nothing can ever change them. If we are to make the future good, we’ll learn what the past can teach us. But our freedom requires us to make choices based on the needs of the present, not the past.
I can act at every moment in such a way as to honor the past and enhance the future.
You are reading from the book:
The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg