Tag Archives: Feelings

it me taylor

hi everyone
it me taylor
i be feling sad
i not sure why
my hart jus hurts
i fink it cuz i had nitemares
about my grandad
hes dead now
and i miss him
i wanted to tok to dr barry yeserday
but ther wasnt time
that maked me sad to
i lik dr barry
shes alwas nise to me
actuly shes nise to all us kids alwas
i hav a buny rabit that i snugle wif
her nam is nibbles
shes soft and has long ears
later today mabe i wil make a video
and i can post it here
if people want to see me and my buny rabit
wat do you fink
is dat a gud idea

taylor six

Why?

Some days being a survivor sucks. really, i hate it. some days, i’d rather be dead. being dead would be so much easier. some days, i feel like life has been so unfair to me, first the abuse, then the did, the ptsd, the anxiety, the triggers, constant triggers that dont let up. sometimes life is ok, like this past weekend, but always in the back of our mind there is the suicidal thoughts and voice. die. kill yourself. do it. nobody wants you around. they would all be better off if you did it. what are you waiting for? and then today i heard about a 15 year old who lived a little ways away from me and he committed suicide. and i felt incredibly sad for him and his family. such a young life, wasted and i thought, why? what was going on for him? how is it i never think that for myself? how is it i never ask why? i never question why we are feeling so sad, lost, and suicidal? the whys never seem to matter. i guess we dont think too much of ourselves right now. life is hard. the days go by in a blurr of pain, triggers, overwhelm. we try to normalise it. we act happy because its what everyone around us wants to see. the only people we can truly be real with are dr barry, eileen and a select few friends. i wish things were different. i really do. if i had a different life story maybe they would be.

Text conversation between our therapist and me

Im feeling so overwhelmed. Eileen said today to let her manage the overwhelm. She wants to help us and she said she’d help us to manage it. I want to believe her. But I am scared. What if I trust her and she decides she’ll leave? So I sent her a text. In it I said
“Can you really manage the overwhelm? I’m so scared. I dont want Emily or Jen to kill us. What if I trust you and you decide to leave, take off like everyone else does?”
She replied to me. Almost straight away. And her reply was this.
“I am going nowhere. Not leaving you. And I am going to show jenn or emily, and you are very welcome, how to manage the overwhelm next session. It will pass. Feelings however intense do pass once we breathe into them. I want you to ask Liz if you could listen to some of the meditations that she has. That will also help.”
She is so kind. I’m just so scared to fully put my trust in her. But I cant help it…I sort of am doing it without much thought. I cant help it. She’s just got this way about her. She’s so gentle, kind, caring.
I’m thankful she’s part of our life. Yay for awesome therapists.

Katherine

Stressed, short poem coming

So my beloved partner is going through a really rough time right now. I am very stressed out and worried about her. Thought I’d write here to let it out.

Each day I miss you
Each hour and minute
Our long conversations
Our text messages
Long emails
That say everything and nothing
But we didnt care what they said
We were just happy to hear from one another
And now I can hardly talk to you
10 or 15 minutes max
And I want to help you but I cant
Oh how I wish I could do something
Anything to take this tough time away
If I could I would move mountains for you
I would gladly switch places
But I know thats not what you’d want for me
Be strong, be brave
This too shall pass
And soon we will be back to normal
Our normal
Our normal that is sometimes crazy
But I always loved the crazy bits
Its what made us unique

Carol anne