its fathers day and im sad. it triggers me. i remember a lot of abuse on that day for lots of years. not from our bio dad. but from the people in dublin. in the cult. its so scary and i dont think i like today. i just want today to be over. all of our family are celebrating it and we are trying to as well. im not being out a lot because i dont like the reminders of my past. im just trying to stay inside, safe, and away from all the triggers.
allie age 9
Its absolutely glorious outside today. Its in the mid 20’s and I am loving it. As for poor Nitro, he is not loving it. What I am thinking is, how glad I am that I we are not in the hospital on a day like today. I chose well when I chose to ask the consultant on Friday to allow us to go home. Otherwise not only would I have missed the BBQ we had on Friday afternoon in the back garden, but I’d also have missed visiting my grandad today for fathers day, and giving our dad his gift and card. Even though I have a turbulent relationship sometimes with our dad, I do love him. He has a lot of his own issues to deal with and last night I had a long conversation with our mom about our dad. She said he deals with things in his own way, and mainly the only person he is harming is himself. That is not completely true, but I cant force mom to believe that his actions harm not only him, but us and her too sometimes. For all our dads faults though he does have some endearing qualities. Every sunday he cooks dinner, so our mom doesnt have too do it. In fact most days, he cooks for our mom. He looks after our dog when we’re ill, and he looks after our sisters dogs when she goes away, like she has done this weekend. He has a great sense of humour. He works hard to keep the place clean and he does love us its just sometimes he has outbursts of anger and he is unable to control himself. It is sad really for him. I think deep down he does want to control his anger but he just cant. I know for us and him, nowadays, we dont argue as much as we used too in the past number of years. When we do argue they are usually big arguments, but they usually blow over and we all apologise and things go back to normal. Yes its probably disfunctional, but then what family isnt a little disfunctional?