I had my first weigh in yesterday. I was down four pounds! I’m so thrilled.
I cant believe I actually did it, I lost weight. All the hard work was worth it. I’m so proud of me.
My goals for this coming week are to drink extra water, two bottles a day if I can, and to exercise 5 out of 7 days. I dont have a food goal, as I’m doing great with my food intake and making healthier choices.
I was so nervous going in to Karen. I thought for sure something would go wrong. But I shouldnt underestimate myself. I did great and it was a great result.
Heres to another great week this week.
I’m so upset right now. My mom just lectured me about my weight. Why does she feel the need to knit pick? I mean I know I have a problem. I know that. Doesnt she know I know? Why does she feel the need to harp on me about it? It really upsets me and makes me so depressed thinking about my weight. With her harping on it I start thinking how fat I am and how I need to lose. Then I start trying to come up with plans to lose it. Only my plans include purging, starving, using laxatives, doing all the wrong sorts of things. I know in reality that wont help. I know that. But when she keeps saying shit to me its hard to think about reality. On the way home in the car today she was all like if you keep eating fatty food you’ll get huge “right now I weigh about 218 pounds”. And she was like your eating all the wrong things. You have a crappy diet. I told her to stop lecturing me, that I was going to sort it out. She said oh I’ve heard that before, I’m not even going to listen, your almost 35. If I am almost 35 why is she lecturing me? You’d think she’d know better. When she was a teen she was huge. She ate all the wrong things. And my dad helped her to lose the weight when they met. But she’s always on to me about weight. Today she said I wasted my time going walking the other day because I had eaten take out food twice this week. Its hard to cook for one you see. I don’t want to be bothered. I know that sounds as if I am lazy, I’m not. But at night I get hungry. And then I eat pizza or something like that. Twice this week I have. And now everyones on to me about it mom, my sister, my dad…and I am just obsessing now and trying to think what I can do. I know I need to talk to my nutritionist about it probably but I know this week when I go I’m going to be probably up weight and then I’ll be absolutely disgusted with myself. I’ll be so disappointed. Why is weight so fucking tough to deal with?
This is a post I wrote last week after I saw Karen, the nutritionist dr Barry referred us to. I wrote this up but I didnt post it but I want to now. Any and all feedback welcome.
So I went to see Karen the nutritionist that dr barry refered me to this morning. It was a good session and very interesting. We went through some of my history, surrounding my diagnosis, my families history of illness and my own history of illnesses too. Then she talked to me about different parts of the body and some symptoms surrounding those parts. For example we discussed the digestive system, the immune system, and the liver, and the different symptoms that I might be displaying and what might be going on there. She weighed me also, and, I weigh 217 pounds. I wasn’t surprised at my weight as it was what I thought it might be. She went through a healthy eating plan with me and the next time that I see her I hope to be down some weight. Basically I’ll be eating either wheat bread with peanut butter, or wheat bread with soe eggs, or some cerial or a yogurt for breakfast. For lunch I’ll be eating a rap or pittabread with either chicken and cheese, or ham and cheese or turkey and cheese on it. And for dinner I’ll be having brown pasta, brown rice or potatos, lots of vegetables, and a small portion of meat with no fat on it. Then for snacks she said I could have either some nuts, some fruit, or rice cakes or wholewheat crackers. Im also supposed to drink lots of water, she said it would help detox my skin and I’d probably lose a few pounds from just drinking lots of water because of the detoxing. Im also supposed to start exercising which I’d intended to do anywah starting next week. I think, realistically I can lose about 7 to 10 pounds by the next time I see her which will be two weeks from today. I’m kinda looking forward to doing this new eating plan and doing it in a healthy way rather than in an unhealthy way. She gave me a recommendation for some seeds, I cant remember the name of them but she wrote it down for me. Basically what you do is mix a tablespoon of these seeds into your cerial or a yogurt and they break down fat for you. She said since I’d had my gall bladder removed that the fat doesn’t break down any more, because the gall bladder is used for breaking down the fat. So I’ll be getting my groceries on Saturday or Sunday and I’ll be doing a very healthy shop. So that was the appointment in a nutshell.
So today I am starting something new. A diet. Not a crash diet, not something off the wall, just a healthy eating plan, and some exercise.
I really want to lose some weight. I am ashamed to say I am obese. I weight over 200 pounds and I am disgusted by that. I know a lot of it is down to meds, but also, some of it is down to eating the wrong types of foods, and doing little to no exercise.
That is all about to change today! I started this morning. I ate a healthy breakfast of cerial and it wasnt sugary cerial either. It was a healthy type of cerial. Then for lunch I ate some fruit. And I’m going to have chicken for dinner. I have not decided yet on the amount of exercise I’ll do, but there was talk on the radio this morning about weight and weight loss. The guy who was on the radio said 30 to 40 minutes of exercise a day will cut it and anyone who does that alongside a healthy eating plan will lose weight.
I’ve tried so many things to lose weight. From a severe diet where I could only eat protein, to weight watchers, to diet pills, you name it, I’ve tried it. But nothing ever worked. One time I lost 30 pounds on one diet, but when I stopped I put it all back on again. I just want to lose it and keep it off!
Heeres hoping this healthy eating plan and exercise regime will be just what I need.
We just got home from seeing the dietician. She’s a community dietician that our gp referred us too for our diabetes. She knows of our ed, and today she said she thinks it would be much better for us if we saw the nutritionist on dr barrys mental health team, rather than her because community dieticians aren’t qualified to treat people who have eating disorders. I didn’t know you needed a special qualification to do that, but apparently you need some other qualification in nutrition or something. Anyway, she’s going to ring dr barry today, and tell her that she has recommended that I be referred back to their team. We didn’t do much today other than she weighed us, and we’ve lost 10 pounds since our last visit. She said there was no point in talking about healthy eating, if I we weren’t in the head space to hear it. I was honest with her, I told her we’d been very eratic with our eating lately, and how we’ve been binging some and purging also. I told her I’ve been obsessing about weight, and how I have been weighing myself constantly. She told me to try to stick to once a week, because I will only drive myself crazy otherwise. It was a good session, all in all. She said she should be able to get through to Dr Barry before the end of the week. If not I can mention it to her myself next Monday.