Tag Archives: Depression

Recommending a friends blog to my readers!

So I think I might have mentioned this before a couple of weeks ago but I thought I’d do a post where I would recommend my friend Sams blog. Sam has been a very good friend of mine since 2013. She is 27 years old and totally blind like I am. She also struggles with mental illness, mainly ptsd, depression and self injury. Right now she lives in an intermediate care facility in IL but she’s trying to get out of there at present. Her blog is really good, it deals with the mental illnesses I mentioned, disability, her daily life in the facility she lives in, she also does book reviews, and other types of reviews. I highly recommend it its well worth a read and a follow! She is very supportive of those of us who are did. I know she’s looking to grow her readership so please do pop over to her blog and follow like or comment on her posts. I know she’d really appreciate it!
her blog is
http://matterstosam.wordpress.com/

thanks guys!

Self care…An important issue

I’ve realised lately that self care is so very important. I’ve been working both in therapy with Eileen and also with Dr Barry on doing more self care things to look after my mental health. I’ve always found self care hard to do, mainly because I think I dont deserve to do things that involve caring for myself and for the other parts of me. Over the past year in therapy and with Dr Barry I’ve built up some self care activities. These include using affirmations daily, listening to songs that mean something to me, journaling when I feel bad mad lonely emotional etc, taking a long hot shower when I am not feeling good, walking the dog to clear my head, watching a favourite show on tv or a favourite dvd, calling a friend to talk, emailing my therapist, reading a book, amongst others. It has become easier over time to do these things. I’ve practiced and now am able to try them when the need arises.
Is self care important to you? What are some of your self care activities? Do you find it hard to do self care things for yourself?

Blackness

spiraling
going down down
emotions whirling
a cloud of blackness
a sinking feeling
that turns to numbness, nothingness
depression claws
at my being
engulfs me
i try to put on a mask
but everyone can see
people stare
its not their reality
they go on with life
oblivious to the blackness that surrounds me
and i try to carry on
act happy
while my world crumbles

Why?

Some days being a survivor sucks. really, i hate it. some days, i’d rather be dead. being dead would be so much easier. some days, i feel like life has been so unfair to me, first the abuse, then the did, the ptsd, the anxiety, the triggers, constant triggers that dont let up. sometimes life is ok, like this past weekend, but always in the back of our mind there is the suicidal thoughts and voice. die. kill yourself. do it. nobody wants you around. they would all be better off if you did it. what are you waiting for? and then today i heard about a 15 year old who lived a little ways away from me and he committed suicide. and i felt incredibly sad for him and his family. such a young life, wasted and i thought, why? what was going on for him? how is it i never think that for myself? how is it i never ask why? i never question why we are feeling so sad, lost, and suicidal? the whys never seem to matter. i guess we dont think too much of ourselves right now. life is hard. the days go by in a blurr of pain, triggers, overwhelm. we try to normalise it. we act happy because its what everyone around us wants to see. the only people we can truly be real with are dr barry, eileen and a select few friends. i wish things were different. i really do. if i had a different life story maybe they would be.