Tag Archives: Breathing

Flashbacks hurt

I’m hurting. I dont want to feel. But I am feeling things whether I like it or not. And I dont like it one bit.
My skin is crawling. My stomach hurts. My heart is thumping and my chest aches. I’m trying to breath like Eileen tells me to do. But its not easy.
I have such a hard time with breathing deeply. Most times I hold my breath when I’m scared or when the flashbacks hit full force. I went to the basement club this morning. I’m there now. It isnt helping and usually it does. I feel so lost.
This pain is unbearable. Everything around me seems to be unreal. I dont feel real either. Dissociative maybe. Parts are close to the surface. I cant switch to any parts because of being in the basement club where there are other people who dont know about the did. Oh my god this is so intense. I just want to crash and crumble but I cant. I must smile act happy and pretend to be ok.
Its all about pretending. If anyones around I’d appreciate some support.