Tag Archives: Anxiety

Big changes

There have been a lot of big changes since our last post.

First of all last night we reported the cult contact that we’ve been having to the police. Two female officers came to the hospital and took a statement. Then they brought us to the sexual assault and trauma unit for an internal examination. That was extremely traumatic and triggering. During the interview with the two police women we kept switching, but they were very nice. Unfortunately though because they weren’t from the district where we lived they couldn’t bring us to the sexual assault and trauma unit. They had to get someone from the north side police unit to come and meet us there…a female detective

We spent hours in the SATU unit. We didn’t get back to the hospital until 2 AM. Needless to say we didn’t get very much sleep.

Then today we saw Dr Barry. She knew about the events of last night. She said she was extremely worried about us. She said our treatment plan would have to take different direction and now she is more worried about our physical safety, not only because of our mental illness and diagnosis, but also because of our vulnerability and blindness. So…

On Monday we’re going to a locked ward. Its usually reserved for people who are a serious risk to themselves. The reason we’re going there is to have a phorensic risk assessment which will be done by a phorensic psychiatrist and a psychologist. We’ll be there for a week. This assessment will determine our suitability to live alone, and it will give Dr Barry a second opinion about things as she says she is at a loss as to what to do, as we’ve been struggling now for a while with putting together a care plan. I’m so scared and nervous. I’ve heard terrible and awful things about that ward. That the people there are very very crazy, that its not just your run of the mill every day psychiatric problems that the people there have.

But if it is for the best I suppose I’ll go. I told our mom. She didn’t say much, except she did say I couldn’t come back to live with her and our dad, because it wouldn’t work out, because of our mental illness and conflict with our dad and other family stuff. So if they determine that we’re not suitable to live alone, then I am not sure what will happen to us. I did ask Dr Barry that, but she said don’t jump ahead, just go and have the assessment first and wait and see. I’m thinking if they think we cant live alone independently, they’ll either keep us here in the hospital long term, as there are a few long term patients, or they’ll find some other residential place for us to live, or else they’ll try and get us assisted living, where people come into our home for a lot of the day, kind of like carers.

I just got off the phone with our therapist. She said she had similar concerns to Dr Barry and she’s glad that Dr Barry is taking all this so seriously. I’m glad too if I am honest. I had a previous psychiatrist Dr Collins for six years, and she never did anything about the cult abuse. She always said it wasn’t her job.

I asked Eileen if she’d ever worked on the locked ward, since she was a psychiatric nurse for 27 years. She said she has. She said it isn’t that bad up there really. That there are 10 female and 10 male beds up there. That its a small unit compared to this 50 bed unit.

So come Monday I probably wont be updating this blog for about a week as I will have limited access to my phone. The nurses said they may give me access to my laptop for a few hours during the day, and if they do I’ll post then. Otherwise come Monday you may not hear from me for about a week. Wish us luck!

Carol anne

Leaves of change, the documentary

Just got back home after the launch of leaves of change, the new documentary that shine, who work with people and families with self experience of mental health issues created. It was a super documentary. The documentary featured two resource centres, well they are drop in community centres that shine run in Cork and dublin in Ireland. Their aim is to help people who suffer with mental health issues to recover. They do this in partnership with the staff who work there, the relationship between members and staff is an equal partnership. There are groups run in the centres, and also groups for relatives and family members. There is a whole lot of things going on from day to day within the centres. The documentary captured that beautifully. It was a great afternoon. Lots of photos were taken for the newspaper, and there were light refreshments. We got all done up and felt really good, lots of people complimented us on how fabulous we looked for the occasion. We also helped out with the information stand. In a few weeks part of the documentary will be online. When it is I’ll share the link. In the meantime check out shines website to find out more about their wonderful work. Visit

Carol anne

Nervous and anxious right now

Seeing doctor barry this morning. In about 2 hours. Wondering how that is going to go. Feeling very emotional, hoping I we don’t lose it and start bawling. Really feel like we might right now. We are getting the first dose of our new injection, modecate today. I am hopeful there will be no severe side effects from that. Mom has family therapy this morning too. Our sis was meant to go too but she isn’t going cuz she has nobody to mind the kids. Please keep us in your thoughts and send us a hug if you have spare ones as I we are very nervous right now and anxious too. XX

Carol anne