i woke at 5 AM. i tossed and turned for a couple minutes then I was like fuck it and I got up. I ate an apple and drank some water and then read facebook for a while. I hate it when I am awake in the middle of the night. I only went to bed at midnight so I dont know why I woke up as I was tired. After reading fb I came and made some coffee and started checking email. Its only 6 30 now. The morning is gonna drag now that I am up, I just know it. I dont have a lot of things planned for today. I’m debating whether I’ll go to the basement club or not. Part of me wants to go but part of me doesnt want to deal with people. I’m also quite anxious this morning. I know drinking coffee wont help my anxiety but I am not sure what else to do. Eileens vacation is getting closer and we’re finding that tough. The littles are panicking and lexi just wrote her an email. On a positive note though my weight loss is coming along nicely. I had a treat on Saturday of a smoothie and then on Saturday night my uncle brought some take out food in with him when he came from the pub and I ate a little piece of breaded fish. It was only a small bit so I am not worried that it did any damage. Other than that I havent had anything bad and I’m drinking lots of sparkling water this week.
Tonight I decided I’d make a new email support group. It is aimed at those who struggle with mental illness. I called it living with mental illness. Its a private list, all members have to be either invited or approved, and only members are able to see the posts made to the list. I invited those of you who I had email addresses for. If anyone else wants to join either comment here and let me know what your email address is, or if you already have my email address you can email me for an invite. Best way to reach me though is comment on here about getting an invite.
With the list I hope that we’ll all be able to support one another through tough times, good times, low times and high times too.
I hope we can give one another advice, suggestions, what works, doesnt work for us, etc.
Looking forward to become a close knit bunch of friends!
Feeling kinda wound up about giving a speech tomorrow at the shine AGM. Want to do it right, make a good impression on people. Afraid that I wont. Afraid that something will go terribly wrong. I know its anxiety and my brain working in overtime. Trying to tell myself things will be fine, I’ll be fine, stay positive, I’m already elected to the board and thats a great achievement in itself. The speech I have to give is only to let people who dont know me get familiar with who I am, let them get to know more about me. Just so nervous. Went into the basement club today to meet C my mentor and go over my speech. She gave me some tips on how to improve it and make it better. I am grateful to her for them. Everyone in there today was wishing me good luck for tomorrow. Everyone was so kind and it really touched me and made me realise just how special the community and members in the basement club really are. Will be glad when its all over. Perhaps then I can relax and breathe.
I started a new email support group, to talk about recovery. Anyone living with or recovering from any mental illness is welcome there. Its a place where we can discuss what helps in our recovery, what has worked, or has not worked, post articles, links, videos, worksheets, etc. If you’d like to join it then email me by going to the contact page on this blog and shooting me a quick email. I would put the subscription info here but for some reason when you put email addresses they dont get posted properly. So please email me if your interested in joining. Also I’d appreciate it if you could reblog this post for me to get the word out about the list. Thanks.
my mind is racing. everything is becoming blurry. i feel the familiar signs of dissociation kicking in. made myself some tea to try to calm myself down. a friend offered me a klonopin. she was kidding around, but I really wish I had something to take. the Lyrica I took hours ago hasnt worked. Damn it anyway anxiety and dissociation fucking suck.