Day Seven: How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?
We are a very large system. We’re what is known as polyfragmented, basically, meaning there are more than 100 of us in the system. This is a type of did that is common in ritually abused people. Anyone I know of whose polyfragmented, has been ritually abused in childhood. I suppose there could be exceptions to this though. As for who knows about each other in the system, that varies, we have a core group of insiders who front regularly, and we are all co conscious with each other. There are others however who are further back, who dont live where the core group lives, and who are not coconscious with us. There are also those who have varying degrees of conconsciousness. Some have it with me, in fact most insiders have it with me. Mostly if you are a regular fronter or someone who has much interaction with the outside world, then that insider has some degree of coconsciousness.
Day Six: How do you feel about talking about the trauma which created your condition? Do you like to write about it privately or publicly? Why?
I go back and forth on how I feel about writing about the trauma which created us. Its a hard one. I want to write about it, to inform people, and educate people. But at the same time, I dont want everyone knowing the details, not all of them anyway, about the trauma that brought us all into being. So I made a compramise. I’ll write snippets of it and make sure not to go to much into detail about all of our trauma. But in order to give a full and complete picture of our life, I do have to give some detail and I am ok with that. I used to have the blog private with only certain viewers, but that wasnt working
for me. Sometimes I get paranoid and go into hiding but for the most part I try to stay public and blog publically.
Day five-How often do you switch? How often do you lose time? Talk a little about that?
Switching is different for all multiples. No two multiples are the same when it comes to switching. There are many triggers that can cause multiples to switch. For me, for us, it is stress, or distress that is the biggest trigger. If we are stressed or distressed we will probably switch more easily. It really just depends on what is going on for us at any given time. But its safe to say that on most days we will switch. Sometimes a couple of times a day. Losing time is one of those symptoms that is really uncomfortable. Its really hard when you come to and you have a large gap in time and you don’t know where the time has gone or what you did, who you were with etc. That feels very uncomfortable to us. I’m sure its similar for most multiples.
Day Four: Are you or any of the others in a relationship in or out of the system? How does dating work for you if you do it?
Yes we are in a relationship. I am. While many in the system identify as asexual, bisexual, lesbian, or gay, I am the only one who is in a relationship. I’m in a relationship with another multiple, but she lives in the USA so we don’t get to see each other too often. Dating is tough. We had to set up rules early on, to keep us all safe. For example, if I am visiting my girlfriend in the USA, and we want to do “adult” things, the rule is that I will be the only one out, and others in the system help me by making sure that the kids are blocked from being able to see what is going on during sex, kissing, etc. But it can be hard. There have been times where we’ve had an argument, and I’ve felt myself starting to switch, and it has taken all of my mite to stop myself from switching fully into another part. I do enjoy dating though and am glad I am able to have the pleasure of being able to date despite the did and all the confusion that comes with it.
Day Three: What are your thoughts on integration? Do you wish to integrate?
We do not wish to integrate ever. Our goal is to work cooperatively and to also work on becoming more aware of one another and work on our inner communication. Its not easy but we’re getting there. My thoughts on integration are that I don’t really believe a multiple can successfully integrate. I think if integration was to occur, and all the parts insiders went away, that at the first sign of trauma a split would occur again and things would fall apart. That is just my perspective though, I do know some people want integration and if that is what they want I hope they achieve it and that it works for them.