Survivor songs-Last resort

Ok so, we’re safe, just need to put this out there because it is how we feel tonight…
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Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding
This is my last resort,

Cut my life into pieces
I’ve reached my last resort, suffocation, no breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
and I’m contemplating suicide

‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
‘Til it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Nothing’s alright, nothing is fine

I’m running and I’m crying
I’m crying [x4]
I can’t go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight, chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight and I’m contemplating suicide

‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Nothing’s alright, nothing is fine

I’m running and I’m crying
I can’t go on living this way

Can’t go on, living this way, nothing’s alright

Multiples inside multiples?

Recently, a new insider was created inside of me. Her name is Jaelyn Rae. She is 13 years old. Ok so, in our system, we have insiders who have their own insiders, so, yes, multiples inside a multiple, so ok, Shirleys our host, and then, I Carol anne, Allie, Darina, Lexi, Erika, Amy all have insiders. O and Elexa too. So we all have our own insiders inside the bigger system. Well, Jaelyn Rae is a party girl. She came to be social at college. She has been drinking, and, I dont think it is ok for a 13 year old to drink. But well, we have friends who drink, and well they are social, so she came to socialise with them on the weekends and during the college year. She’s been with us now about six months. But only recently has she made herself known. We’re gonna work with her in therapy, and she has agreed to stop drinking already. We told her well our therapist told her alcohol doesnt have to define who she is. She can get a new job. Maybe she can be a protector? Or look after the younger insiders in her world? I dont know. But she does need some help. That is what I do know. Does anyone have insiders like this, or for that matter, multiples inside a multiple? Thoughts?

Carol anne

Did and boundaries

Ok, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, a lot. Did and boundaries. Do people think its important to have good boundaries when you are did? Or do you even care? I always thought I had good boundaries. However lately in therapy I am realising I didnt and dont. I consider myself an open person at the best of times. Sometimes I dont know when to shut it and say nothing. I dont know when enough is enough. I somehow always manage to get sucked in to drama, especially online drama. Case in point, a thing was going on on fb the other day between two people I am friends with. One of them was did and the other wasnt but had done something to the girl who was did, which I was thinking is totally inappropriate. Instead of staying out of it, I took up for the did girl. Well she is young, only 18. She looked like she needed help. But I mean, I wasnt there, I dont know if she initiated stuff, I dont know what happened, only what I was told. And, the two people were telling me conflicting stories. So I got involved, no boundaries. Later my friend said to me I should just stay out of it. And you know, she is so right. I sould have. Also I am learning that in my last therapy relationship there was a lot of what I’d call loose boundaries. My therapist had very relaxed boundaries. In turn we did too. She would hugs us, which is ok I suppose, I mean she always asked us if she could do it. But also se did other things. Outside of therapy. She would sometimes take us to lunch, or a movie things like that. We met three of her kids, we knew her husband, which is also ok in part because he was a therapist too and worked alongside her. But I donno, my new t says there was a lot of inappropriate boundaries there. A nyone got any thoughts on boundaries and did? I’d like to hear tem if you do.

Carol anne

Brand new

This is our brand new public blog, I hope people will read it? And comment and follow it? I was trying to set it up so the posts would come to twitter but, I couldnt do it. So, maybe later I’ll try again? Anyway, here it is. Over the next few days I’ll update the about me page, and stuff. Please comment so I know who is reading! thanks, smiles,
Carol anne

Living life with dissociative identity disorder and complex PTSD