We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.
Max de Pree
What three things both positive and negative have you learned in your lifetime?
1 Trust has to be earned, always.
2 Learn to laugh, it helps a lot.
3 When you find a true friend, be thankful for them.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the stupid people as they are, the courage to maintain self-control and the wisdom to know that if I act on it, I will end up in prison.”
My appointment with Dr Barry yesterday was intense. Firstly, at the last minute we switched times. I had to get my monthly injection yesterday as well as seeing Dr Barry so that meant I would have had to go to the hospital twice in one day. Well when I rang the clinic nurse to tell her that I wouldnt be able to do that she said if I came in the morning that Dr Barry would see me because it was quiet and she was free so thats what I did. When Dr Barry called me in and came to get me she seemed concerned. When I got in to her office she said I am very worried, the fact that you arent in college isnt a good sign, you must have had a terrible week. I kinda laughed then and said to her, Dr Barry, dont worry, I’ve been off for 3 days. After that she calmed down and we talked. I told her that I’d had a pretty intense week, the dissociation was still pretty bad, my emotions were all over the place, and my anxiety was still pretty intensive. We talked about therapy and I told her that last week I felt we did not get much work done because we couldnt get our shit together to talk to eileen. The words werent coming. I told her how Eileen had said the process of recovery wasnt linear, and for us to not worry, things will happen when the time is right. I told her I am just impatient and want things to happen faster than they are. Dr Barry said that Eileen is right. She then said she had to ask me a question. She said last week during our appointment, she felt that it was implied by me that I thought she was disappointed with me and my progress and that the fact that one of our meds had to be increased meant that I felt she was disappointed in us. So she asked me if that was true. I said that yes, I felt like I was disappointing her. She said no that wasnt true that I am not. That she doesnt see increasing the med as a set back. That everyone has ups and downs in their recovery, everyone has challenges to face, and with the did I have a lot to cope with. She said that I am still doing great, and even if I wasnt, she would never be disappointed in me. I thanked her for her honesty. We talked about college and I told her about the meeting last Friday. She said I made the right decision in staying and sticking it out and she couldnt believe the manager had given me the option of leaving and coming back in 3 months. She said he possibly got overwhelmed and couldnt cope and that is why he did that. I dont know but I am happy with my decision to stick it out and stay. We talked a little about her upcoming holidays in 3 weeks time. She went to see if Zuliana who is her junior doctor was free, so that we could make introductions and stuff but she had just taken a patient in and so we’ll have to wait until next week to meet. Well, we already know one another but Zuliana doesnt know the ins and outs of our case, and Dr Barry wanted to make her aware of a few things before we meet in 3 weeks. It was a good appointment though overall.
Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don’t collect all these tiny successes, the big ones don’t really mean anything.