Category Archives: Daily life

Its the weekend, and an update

Well I havent written anything here in a while. Over a month I think.
I’m going to start writing more often.
My P.A came this morning. She’s only been my P.A a little over a month. She’s really nice. I get along with her really well. We’re close in age and I think that helps.
This morning we did stuff around the house, then we decided to go out for breakfast at the local shopping mall. We had a lovely cooked breakfast of bacon, eggs, sausage and toast. We were both starving and it was nice.
After breakfast we did my grocery shopping. I didnt have to get a lot so it didnt take too long. I didnt take Nitro to the store today. I decided I didnt need to work him as my P.A would be with me. We saw people collecting for the autism assistance dogs while we were out.
I bought a gorgeous cheese cake, a strawberry one and I took it to my parents house because I am staying here tonight.
I’m kinda nervous because in two weeks time I’ll have to take cover, as my P.A has her sons communion to go to and the week after its her nephhews communion and she has to go as she’s his god mother. I always get nervous meeting new people. It raises my anxiety a lot. I think its the fact that the new P.A will only be coming for two saturdays, and its just having to meet and work with a new person. I’m sure it will be fine though and I’m worrying for nothing.
Cant wait to watch britains got talent tonight. Its the new season and I love shows like that. Am really looking forward to sitting down with a pizza and a bottle of wine to watch it.

Rambles

I got up super early today. Like six AM. I just woke and I couldn’t get back to sleep so decided I’d get up. I managed to fulfil one of my goals, which was eat a breakfast. I had a yogurt and a bowl of porridge. So that’s all good and I am pleased with myself. Havent exercised yet today. I will though at some point. I think I’m going to download the zombie run game and try it out. It seems like it would be a good game to play and I’m always looking for wways to make exercising more fun. I’m going to go visit my granddad today with my mom. It will be the first time I’ve seen him since he got out of the hospital. When he was in the hospital I didn’t visit, because to be honest I couldn’t cope with being at the hospital. Now my granddad has hemoroids because he has been having severe diarrhea for days. He’s in agony with them. He has gotten some cream and is using that but he’s in a lot of pain. He wont let the palliative care nurses come to his house to take care of him. He point blank refused the care. He said to us that they are only for people who are terminally ill, but he is terminal. I don’t think he understands the magditude of the situation. I don’t think he realises he is really close to death. Even though his treating kidney consultant sat on his bed while he was in hospital and told him in no uncertain terms. He’s always been a really independent man and even in death he’s still independent. It doesn’t help that he is actually 100 percent with it, his mind is completely there, it makes things that much harder. I am looking forward to spending some time with him today. Other than visiting him I don’t have any other plans for my weekend. The weather here is pretty icy and cold today. Its like 1 degrees C out there. The ice makes it hard to go anywhere, since I have to depend on a taxi I’ll have to wait until the roads have thawed a little bit. I’ll update again later this evening on my granddad and on how he’s doing. I hope all of you have a fab weekend.
Carol anne

This weekend

Our weekend started off quiet. But it isnt gonna stay like that. I dont mind though. I like being busy. Nothing much happened today Friday. Our sister came over to our parents with the kids and I babysat Davin with our mom while Laura went to do two peoples hair. She got 40 euro for blow drying two neighbours hair so she was pretty pleased with herself. It was a blast looking after Davin. He’s two and full of hilarity. He eventually fell asleep and when he did me and mom just sat drinking tea and talking about xmas. Dad made dinner for us all which was scrumptious. Our dad despite all of his faults is a really good cook. Tomorrow Saturday I’ll be going out with our P.A Joy. I will probably just go window shopping as I’ve most of my xmas presents bought now with the exception of a present for my god father and my sisters partner. I think I’ll also go to subway and have my favourite sub, italian flat bread with chicken, bacon, spicy cheese and south west sauce, mmmm love it. Tomorrow evening I’ll be going to my aunts house to watch the final of x factor. Moms also going and we’re going to have some food and possibly drinks, although I am not sure yet if I’ll actually drink alcohol. Sunday we’re supposed to be going to a xmas market, where there is food stalls, a magical santa experience, and a big ferris wheel that gives you a good view of the city. We were gonna go today to the market but then when Laura had to do the neighbours hairs she said lets put it off till Sunday when we’re not rushing. Man I didnt realise how busy this weekend actually was gonna be until I reread this. I guess I am lucky as it will keep my mind occupied and off of stressful things like memories and stressful emotional turmoil.
Carol anne

Reflecting

Tonight I am reflecting on my week. The past week has been busy but mostly good. The only down side was missing therapy, I hate to miss any of my sessions. It leaves me feeling uneasy and nervous and stuff in case something will go wrong with me or one of us and we will become emotionally unstable or something. I know thats pretty irrational but it is how I feel about it. I’m debating whether to text Eileen tomorrow and ask her if she’d do a check in with us over the phone. I know if she can she probably will but its just I don’t like to intrude on her over the weekend. I’ll think some more about it and wait until tomorrow to make up my mind on what to do. I feel our appointment with both Mark our OT and Karen our nutritionist went really well. Despite not losing any weight I’ve been doing pretty good about food, eating, and related issues. I’m doing the disruptive behaviours of binging, vomiting, purging and laxative or diet pill use less and less. I’m not the only insider who struggles with these issues and it is good that others are following my lead and trying to. Karen said we were doing well and that has spurred me on to keep going and trying my best. The appointment with mark was so productive and I feel I am getting to really know myself and what interests me and the things I like and don’t like. It is amazing how that happened, how if you had asked me previously I probably couldn’t have named a lot that I thought I was interested in. Doing up an interest list has really opened my eyes a lot. Of course I am also glad that I get along with Mark and we have a good relationship with one another. That is very important for the work we’re doing together. Overall a pretty good week and this coming week is gonna be busy too. I’m so excited for xmas to come, 3 weeks to go, I’m counting!
Carol anne

Emotional rollercoaster

I feel so numb
This is no fun
Drowing inside
Want to hide
Emotions run so deep
And i cant go to sleep
So i sit here awake
Wondering…
Is it all a mistake?
Am i real?
Or is it all surreal?

I gotta be up in half an hour. Despite my best efforts I haven’t slept very well. I slept on and off but it was broken sleep. Feel sorta crappy to be honest. Maybe if I get up and drink a cup of tea I’ll feel refreshed and ready to go to my apt with Mark. Right now I wish I didn’t have to go out. I don’t feel able to face it or him. I just feel…off? God I hate feeling so emotional.
Carol anne