Yesterday in therapy we did a lot to work with some parts insiders. After I welcomed Eileen home, I told her how last week things were really tough for us, and how on wednesday I was very distressed, having heard both that my account with the taxi firm was to be canceled, that is, for my medical appointments, and also having heard that the school may not fund me for part transportation grant. I told her how it had really overwhelmed me and stressed me out, that I had cried a lot, gotten really anxious, emotional, almost to the point where I was physically ill. She wondered how that had happened, saying that usually I am so resourceful, and she was wondering how my coping skills hadnt kicked in, and how I’d become swamped, overwhelmed to the point that my stress levels got up to a 10 and I couldnt bring them back down. So we worked with it for a while. Well, it turns out there are parts, insiders, we call our insiders parts, anyway, there are parts who are really panicking about us starting college. Basically these parts are afraid it will all go wrong, and we’ll end up disappointed and hurt in the process. So they feel it would be better if we didnt go at all. Eileen and me figured out that they are helping or trying to help by trying to pre-empt what will happen. They think its their job to do this. Eileen told me to step back and try to show them that we are safe, and that I can deal with whatever pops up, there were also some younger insiders who were panicking about starting, in case we’d have a system collapse, or something else would happen to make me go inside and leave them to cope alone. I had to work really hard to reassure them that actually we are in a much better place now than we were the other times we tried to pursue education or training and that I would do my best to never leave a young insider to cope alone. I told them that if things got tough I’d either talk to Dr Barry or Eileen about it before things got to an unmanageable point. They seemed satisfied with this and eventually they calmed down. We focused a little bit on breathing but I wasnt really able to do the breathing properly. Eileen said she could really notice how difficult it was for me to breathe deeply and focus on the breaths going in and out. So instead she had me focus on a part of my body that felt strong at that moment. I was successfully able to do that. It was a really good session. It felt really good to do the work with the triggered parts. Like we got a lot accomplished. They are really starting to trust me and hear me which is key I think. Since I am the front runner, main front person and current host it is important that I show leadership and show the younger parts that we will be ok. Eileen did read to us but I will let allie talk about that in another post since she was the one out for the story with all the other young insiders crowding around behind her to listen too.