Dr barry and The conversation around triggers

We saw Dr Barry this morning. When we went in she knew something was up, she straight away asked me how I was, she said I wasnt looking too hot. I told her I’d gotten really triggered last night because that guy had come to the door, remember the guy who was supposedly selling make up? Anyway I told Dr Barry that when he was at my door I was real dissociative, foggy and fuzzy, couldnt think clearly, couldnt concentrate to tell him to leave, but how eventually I did it somehow and he left quietly and without a fuss. Dr Barry said it was unlike me to just open the door, and I told her I’d been distracted and hadnt been thinking clearly. She said that it could happen to anyone, and how when its summer time and not dark outside, and only 7 o’clock in the evening, you think it is ok to open your door. She reassured me that he’s on my cameras, and that I could get the file off the hard drive if I needed to. She asked me what I’d have done if he hadnt left, and I was like I dont know! I didnt think of that. My phone had been in my bedroom, I suppose I could have screamed, someone might have heard me, but well not really sure what other options I have. I dont know marshall arts or self defense. I’m not tall and I dont think I could win if he put up a fight. Luckily he didnt though which is good. I told Dr Barry I’d been pretty unsettled for the rest of the night after he’d gone. Luckily I’d been texting my friend sarah and that kinda grounded me and kept me from totally zoning out, although we did have quite an amount of switching for the rest of last night. Taylor whose six was having hallucinations after he left, i think the fact that some strange man was at our door scared her and sent her into trigger mode. She always hallucinates when triggered. Even when we went to bed we werent able to go to sleep for a long time, and when we eventually did, we kept waking up and having bad dreams. It was just an all round hard night. Dr Barry was really noticing how unsettled we were today. We talked a little about the dissociation, and how eileen always catches it when we’re in therapy, but I told her that when we’re on our own there is no one to notice and ground us orientate us back to the present. It feels overwhelming to try to do it all by ourselves. It was a good appointment and Dr Barry reassured me which was nice and something that was much needed by all of us in the system.

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