Seeing Dr Barry yesterday

we saw dr barry yesterday. it was a really good and productive appointment.
we started off by talking about therapy and about liz and her therapy session that she had on Monday. Dr barry was really interested in how that had gone for Liz. she didnt speak directly to liz, Liz wasnt in the mood for talking so I did the talking instead.
I explained about Liz wanting to commit suicide and coming really close to doing so on Sunday night. Dr Barry was wondering what had made Liz so suicidal, I said it was a combo of things, both dealing with painful emotions and also dealing with memories and having had a lot of flashbacks lately.
Somehow then the conversation turned to our childhood. We ended up talking about the disfunction in our family, our dads alcoholism, and we also spoke about the did, Dr Barry was wondering how far back it was that I remembered us dissociating. She was surprised that I remembered being 3 and talking to the others, when everyone else thought I had imaginary friends. But I clearly remember the others being there, and having conversations with them. I obviously did not know then that it was did.
We talked about our grammas suicide, she killed herself when we were five years old. I talked to Dr Barry about some memories I had surrounding that and her death.
We also talked about our mom now, how most of the time she isnt accepting of the did, and she doesnt acknowledge insiders, but occasionally she does something that shows me she really is quite aware of the fact that there is more than one of us in this body. For example a few years ago when I was hospitalised, I remember asking her to bring some stuffed animals and dolls, and she did it without questioning me about it. And another time she brought some books kids books without asking why I needed them. Its things like that that let me know she kinda gets it sometimes. She just isnt capable of fully understanding the magnitude of the situation.
Dr Barry said she’d introduce me to Zuliana, the junior doctor, and I could use her as a fall back for when Dr Barry is out of the office, as she’s going to be there for six months. I kinda know her already, as she admitted me to hospital a few times, she’s quite friendly, bubbly and quite nice so I dont mind using her if I have too.
We also discussed my sleep and I told Dr Barry I didnt want any meds, she said she’s glad I’m not looking for meds, because they are dangerous for me with our history of overdosing on them, but that if things got real bad then we could look at it again, and she would give them to me if I really wanted them and felt I needed them but right now it would be better if I didnt use them and she was hopeful I could gage if my sleep was off and that I could use my skills I learned to help me when I am tired, and she also said that when I start college in september that she’s hopeful things will settle down. I hope so.

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