Mondays therapy session

Therapy yesterday was intense. We had a lot to talk about and work on including working on memories from the solstace triggers, but to be honest we never really worked on the memories fully, because Eileen said to do it I had to be solid, grounded, very stable, and secure in myself. She said its all about safe trauma processing and she wasnt going to dive into it and overwhelm us. Thats ok though. I dont want to become overwhelmed. So we worked around the memories, on the feelings associated with them, and on deep breathing. I am not good at being able to breathe deeply, slowly, etc. So eileen had me do some visualisations, and she held my hands and we did some breathing where she counted for four and i breathed in, and then she counted for five as I breathed out. That kinda worked. I was able to breathe then but she did say I only use my upper chest and I dont breathe into my belly. So she placed her hand on my stomach and we tried to have me breathe into it. I wasnt really able to manage it though. We’re going to keep working on it. We did some work with some younger parts, Eileen had me show them our house, by imagining the house, imagining me holding their hand, walking up to the house, going in, and then showing them around. Showing them that its safe now, its 2015, we’re safe, they are safe. Inviting them to live in our house too. They were in awe and were excited to know that its not back then, and they are safe. So many of them are stuck in trauma, and are in a current state of feeling unsafe. It was good that we were able to do this to show them otherwise. By the end of the session I was completely drained. Of course I asked Eileen for a huge hug before I left which she gladly gave me. I did not want to let go of her. As she held me I breathed in her smell, I listened to her heartbeat and it grounded me and I felt able to leave and go home and I wasnt triggered or dissociated or anything.

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