i still want to be adopted, but i know, i know its wishful thinking!

i still want dr barry or our therapist eileen to adopt me. i havent changed my mind on that. i keep hoping it will happen. i dont care if i shouldnt. so what? so i keep being disappointed? thats my choice though isnt it?
carol anne says its my passion in life. and she’s right it is.
i think i want it so badly because i dont feel accepted by my own family, my biofamily i mean. they dont see me. they dont accept me. they dont talk to me or listen to me. and i feel alone and lonely. very very lonely.
and being lonely sucks.
so i dream about what it would be like to live with dr barry or eileen…with their families. and it feels good, only its not gonna happen for me.
and i am mad about that. and i dont think its fair.
dont i deserve a family too? who like me? want to be part of my life? want to get to know me? who want to see me and not act like i am not there, or invisible?
i think i deserve a family too. after all i’ve gone through, it sure would be nice.
i’ll just have to keep wishing, and hoping, and probably i’ll have to keep hurting, and being disappointed…
sigh…
alicia age 9

3 thoughts on “i still want to be adopted, but i know, i know its wishful thinking!”

  1. Sometimes people feel like the “others inside” can be like family.

    I Understand the want and need for family…

    If you can’t find that support system outside at all, hopefully the others inside will support and love you.

    At least one of my alters is a caretaker. He looks after me and lies me, takes care of the kids, and helps negotiate with the teens.

    He is sometimes my only friend…and I am so grateful to him.

      1. I understand im glad some of them inside can be friends,

        That is true it is not the same as having a family inside

        I think therapy can give u that feeling that u never had as a child, security, validation, and support.

        I think that’s good if u can in a way “re-parent” yourself through therapy and working with yourself outside of that in daily life. (Maybe schema therapy could be useful to look into)

        Anyway I think the best and maybe safest thing to do is to take on role models or mentors and think oh… “She is LIKE a mom to me” or “he FEELS LIKE a dad to me” you know…its only my opinion. I wish Alicia age 9 could get adopted too.

        But just in case she can’t I think it is safe for her to take as many role models and mentors as she wants. And let those people know “you’re like a mom to me” and if it feels safe let them know “I wish u could be/were my mom…” But I think it’s good to keep in mind they probably can’t adopt you…

        I’m sorry -hugs( if that’s ok)-

        I have a feeling like “I wish I could take care of this child!” (I think this is Alexander’s influence)

        What I mean is I wish u could have and I want u to have all that comfort and love and security u deserve and need.

        I hope u will find others who can support u and comfort and security from within

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