Todays therapy session

Therapy today was good but tough. We focused on stuff that was hard for me to talk about. We mainly talked about how sometimes when certain insiders talk to our psychiatrist Dr Barry, we end up becoming triggered, overwhelmed, or their stuff ends up getting more intense, like memories and such, and they become activated. This happened recently with a certain insider who I wont name because she wants to remain unnamed. Dr Barry mentioned two sessions ago about cult related stuff and about us going to dublin and she wondered if we’d be ok, this in turn activated a certain insider here to think about the past, about her abuse, and start remembering things. That insider talked in therapy last week, but she has been suicidal since and just doesnt want to go on with life. She even emailed eileen last week and told her that if she had our pills handy she’d take them all. This isnt good. Luckily she didnt do anything but the fact that she was suicidal and wanted to do something is just not ok. So I was wondering what I should do. We were very conflicted because dr barry needs to know stuff, she needs to know what is going on for us each week, eileen said however that its about safe trauma treatment, doing things in a contained, manageable safe way. So as not to overwhelm us. So that we can regulate our emotions and emotional state and be safe while doing that. Eileen is going to contact dr barry and talk to her. Tell her about certain insiders becoming activated. She was going to ring her anyway because she wanted to talk to her about holiday times, Eileen told us today that she’d be away for the second two weeks of August. Im not sure when Dr Barry will be taking holidays. Hopefully it wont be at the same time as Eileen. There was some panic today when eileen told us she’d be away. We got very dissociated and floaty and spaced out and just could not stay focused or grounded and she kept having to bring us back into the room and stuff. She said she was going to work with me on helping the younger insiders to cope and be ok. She kept reassuring us that it was two months away and there was lots of time and we’d talk some more about it to prepare as much as we could beforehand. I hope Dr Barry wont be upset that Eileen rang her. I think she wont but you can never know what might bother her or offend her. I dont want either of them eileen or Dr Barry to get angry or be upset. I know they are both trying their hardest to help us and we need their help and we appreciate both of them. We’ve invested a lot in the relationships and we dont want to make waves. I told Eileen that today too. She said there is something too about being able to talk about things and work things out without becoming annoyed or angry or overly upset. I hope thats the truth and we’ll be ok and things will get worked out.
Carol anne

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