I did a lot of hard work in therapy yesterday. I was so tired after it. i worked really hard on naming emotions, and on talking about my feelings about certain things.
We talked about our family and how i feel about the fact that our mom never believed us about the abuse. Or she said she didn’t know if she did. That makes me so angry. What mom does that? And even if you weren’t sure and you had doubts, what mother says it to her child, whose clearly traumatised?
Eileen said that i was clearly on my own with things, when i should have had a mother who sat with me, who talked to me, who said tell me everything and i’ll listen to you, but i didn’t have that.
No…instead i had to hold everything in, and just get on with life, even when i thought i’d be safe and it was now safe to talk.
I sat in eileens office and my stomach hurt. My chest also hurt. A huge big ball sat in my stomach and chest…that was all of my emotions just ready to burst out of me. But i didn’t let them because i couldn’t. It was too scary.
Eileen came over by me and sat next to me holding my hand and encouraging me to keep talking to her. That part was nice. It felt good to feel protected and believed and heard.
I slept really well tonight. I woke up feeling sick though. My throat hurts and my nose is running and i think we’re getting what Eileen has. Eileen was pretty sick yesterday with a cough and sore throat.
Therapy was good though even though it was hard going.