So all or most of our readers know our primary diagnosis is did and ptsd. Well we also have traits of BPD. Or the new name is emotionally unstable personality disorder. I’m not sure I like that name very much. Tonight the BPD is kicking my butt.
I feel like everything is black or white, no inbetween.
I feel low, then very high. Again no inbetween.
I feel rage…rage at my abusers, rage at people who let me down, just a lot of rage.
I want to do the most destructive thing and feel totally justified in having done it. But I probably wont.
I just feel very unstable and it doesn’t help that I cant sleep on top of all that.
Ug sigh. It also doesn’t help that I never got to talk to our therapist again today. I called her, and she did call me back. But her blue tooth wasn’t working and she was driving to college and so when it wouldn’t work she wasn’t able to talk. She was in a rush and couldn’t pull over to talk. So now I’ll have to make do until today when I see her. I said it was fine and I didn’t mind but part of me does. Part of me is like why wasn’t she able to be there for me? Why did she wait until she was traveling to call me? Why?