its me Alicia. I got to talk to dr barry some today. it went like this.
dr barry: whose this?
me:its me allie.
dr barry: oh hi allie, how are you?
me:i’m still struggling with the same thing…adoption.
dr barry: did you get any time in therapy lately to talk about it?
me: yes I did. I talked in therapy about it and about my feelings last week. I told Eileen I wished I was able to see, because then I could get her picture and look at that. I did ask her what she looked like though.
dr barry: and did she describe herself to you?
me: yes, she did.
dr barry: and was the description she gave you the same as what you perceived her to look like in your minds eye?
me: no! it was totally different.
dr barry: do you think in time, with better communication inside, and more insiders getting along with your family, that you will too?
me: oh I don’t know dr barry. I don’t think so. I think i’ll always struggle, and feel like I don’t belong.
dr barry: what is it that you feel when you think of your real family?
me: I just feel unseen. I feel unheard. nobody in my real family acknowledges me. nobody wants to know or see or hear me. it makes me sad.
dr barry: allie, I know you are feeling sad about it, but perhaps in time, things will be different? it is my hope that they will be.
me: keep hoping for me dr barry ok? because I don’t have any hope of things getting better.
then dr barry asked me if I’d go inside and get carol anne or liz. and I did.